Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, But the very next day, I died.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why was the girl sad? Because borat came had DA SEXI TIME with yo mother in law:)

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the Mexican man grow a mustache? It wasn't his choice. Men naturally grow facial hair and he ran out of razors.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. There is a frog in his beer.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the Chicken cross the road? Because there were no cars coming

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What is funny? Your football official having a heart attack

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call a squirrel in my yard? Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what did michael jackson do when i swore at him? nothing he's dead

thumb_up thumb_down +12

why cant dogs write letters? They do not have the dexterity to hold a pen, or even comprehend the basic language skills and grammatical layout of how to write a letter

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Women's Rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did Hitler commit suicide? Because the Nazis were on the brink of losing the war and Berlin was shortly to be captured by Soviet forces.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

The Awkward moment when the world doesn't end

thumb_up thumb_down +12

If life throws you fried chicken your probably black

thumb_up thumb_down +12

One day little billy was wandering happily through the forest.He then trips and his legs disintegrate

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man goes to an amusement park. He heads straight for the roller-coaster and gets in line. When he gets to the front, the ride operator informs him that he is too short to ride. "You must be at least 48 inches, sir, you just barely miss the mark, I'm sorry, I can't let you ride." The man is sad, but he doesn't let this little discrepancy ruin his day. He then gets in line for a different ride.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the doctor say to the morbidly obese man? "You should get on a diet. It's a surprise you're even alive for so long with such a bad heart" The next day the man dies while eating celery.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I've never seen your mother, so I won't make any vile suggestions concerning her weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Lets just say some of my boys owed me a favor, and that if we where all "clean slate workers" I would never have been able to pull some favors out of the higher ups. As far as for "these Shadows" of yours, I know nothing, while I invented the encoding format for the messages you use, I intend keeping it to myself. People here will still assume this is bullshit unless you get somebody to hack this site, believe me, its pretty damn easy to retrieve whatever data might have been lost.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "A door to door salesman. Are you unsatisfied with the way your dish soap handles your plates? Then I have the product for you!" "I'm not interested in your product, but thank you anyway." "No problem. On an off note, how did you hear me? I didn't speak very loudly when I said knock knock, and I didn't even bother to knock on the door or ring the doorbell." "I have really good hearing." "Oh, okay. And for future reference, maybe you should open the door when talking to a visitor. Then body language gets established and the conversation flows more nicely that way." "That's some good advice, and I'll take it. Thanks, salesman." "You're welcome. On to the next house."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

If a tree falls on a deaf person, does anyone care?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Where do dinosaurs go on vacation? Dinosaurs are mainly extinct except for a select few such as crocodiles, which are arguably ancestors of dinosaurs. With this in mind, dinosaurs do not go on vacation because they are dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Man walks into Malaysian Airlines "Hey, can I have the next flight to--" "This is our only policy! You pay the fare we pick the where."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's green and fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it falls from a tree it'll kill you? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops