How do you make money? Kill babies and sell them.

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Knock Knock Who's there? It is actually not a good idea to say "who's there" to the random person outside. The man could be a robber or a murderer, and will realize a person is inside. He could bomb the door down and do anything to kill you. You should look through the window first, or through the little peep hole. If the person outside is an acquaintance, then you can respond. However it is best to not reply and leave the stranger alone. Safety is key to living a happy joyful life.

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What did one teacher say to the other teacher? We're both under-payed.

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How do you make a small child cry? You cut off his fingers..

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Still Carrying Heavy Pet Food? That sucks

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Why? Why Not?

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Q: What do you call a girl with no arms or legs, is blind, has no parents, has cancer, and is dyslexic? A: Suzie

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Did you know that Obama wasn't born in the United States*? *the contiguous United States

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wanna hear a joke? i dont

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Somebody else besides you: what time is it? You: what time is what? SOmebody else: ? What?

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Haiku's aren't real poems. No body understands them. My soul is burned toast.

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Did you hear the one about the girl who had three nipples? Neither did I.

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What did the dad say when the irresponsible goth problem child asked for a gun Yes

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Why did the bugger cross the rode? He was tired of getting picked on

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John: what is blue and goes blub blub Phil; I don't know, what? John: a blue blub blub. What is green and goes blub blub Phil; a green blub blub John: no green blub blubs don't exist, what are you stupid?

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What did lil' Suzy do when she got home from school? She was violently mutilated by a bear then continually but raped by a man she met on the Internet. Needless to say, she had a great time. -Harrison

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How do you make a sandwich? Go into the kitchen and make a sandwich.

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what did the apple say to the orange ? nothing, apples are a fruit and do not have any organs which allow it to be able to talk.

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How do you survive the end of the world? You can't- everyone will die!

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Four gay men go to a bar and enjoy a drink celebrating their long lived platonic relationship.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

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Roses are red, ill give you a wink, two in the pink, and one in the stink.

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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