you give like i give lomain

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A bear walks into a bar. Animal control was contacted and the bar was evacuated.

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What Did The Kid With No Arms And No Legs Get For His Birthday? A Walking Stick

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Hey connor and brett its ben, you are both at my house

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It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

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Do you know why the kid jumped down the 50 foot hole? I dont know, jump in and ask him.

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What's wet and sticky? I don't know, glue or something.

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Two lifelong friends walk into the locl Bar and each order a Beer. " So how's life treating ya?" Phil replies, " Well Doug, I've got Stage Four Lung Cancer. I'm going to Die, remember?" Unfortunately, Doug doesn't remember because Doug has a Brain Tumor.

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I once went to a Haitian party, yea.. The DJ really brought the house down.

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This one time, at band camp, I played the trumpet.

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roak

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What do you call a person that smells like shite and chases uglier girls than him? .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . Smelly McD the smelly cunt

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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My girlfriend is getting an abortion tonight. Its a surprise.

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What's black and white and red all over? Half of a zebra.

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There is a blonde, Santa and Jesus. Someone throws a million dollars on the ground who picks it up? Me because I shot them

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roses are red violets are blue. they both smell like flowers

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Every week or so Chuck Norris does his laundry.

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whats the hardest part about eating a vegitable getting your mouth around the wheelchair.

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Knock knock! Go away. I'm busy masturbating, and it would be extremely awkward if you were to entire my residence at this time. Please return at a later hour.

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Once upon a time a was born

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Whats the difference between 2 white men? They both have different jobs and one is racist orange peel.

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why is 6 afraid of 7 because seven is black

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what happens when you throw a green rock into the red sea? -- it gets wet

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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