How do you make Samuel L. Jackson cry? Trick question...Samuel L. Jackson don't cry. ever...

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If you see a pink banana, you are color blind.

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What does a baby and a bowling ball share in common? They both displace a similar amount of water.

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How do you make a baby stop crying for the rest of its life? Shoot it in the face.

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There once was a man from Nantucket, With a penis so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin, If my ear was a cunt, that’d be strange.

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What sits in the corner of room and gets smaller and smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler

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What happened when the blonde girl threw a grenade? The enemy pulled the pin and threw it back

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why did the boy fall to the ground? He was struck by lightning

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Stephen Walking hawks into a bar.

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people say i have big feet but you know what the say about people with big feet? :) big socks. sl

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Why do so many people troll on the internet? Because Hitler was awesome!

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how do you kill a rat skin it and feed it to your child and wait till it shits then when it shits feed it to your dog then when it shits then microwave it and shove the smelly liquid remains up your ass.

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Q: Whats metal and shiny? A: You're lame childhood accomplishments.

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;iub

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What did the Wind say to the Window? (Insert Racist punchline here)

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, We have condoms, But we didn't use them with you. You were DP'd, Now you have STD.

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Knock knock Who's there Isabelle Isabelle who? Is-a-bell necessary on a bike

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What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey? Just a sort of mixed bird thing.

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why was Ralph depressed? Because his family was experiencing financial troubles, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, but they just didn’t quite work out. After ending up in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he was shot, landing him in the hospital. The night his family arrived to check on him, the same shooter made his way to his room, and murdered his wife and 3 children, and somehow managed to evade police. Months after this incident, Ralph, the same chicken who was in the hospital and witnessed his family’s murder, was finally released. He had nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to in the future. He took up alcohol abuse for some time, until realizing what truly had to be done. He began tracking down his family’s killer, and with each day spent, he became closer and closer to discovering the dealer’s whereabouts. One day, he finally figured out who it was. As he arrived at the killers’ home, he took one last deep breath, then stormed in. After fighting through many of the dealers’ body-guards, Ralph finally reached the notorious drug dealing murder, Foghorn Leghorn. As a bloody battle ensued, it was clear who the winner would be.. As Ralph staggered out of the destroyed home, bloodied, yet victorious, he realized something. All the tracking, all the killing, all the bloodshed he had created, was all in vain. He realized that taking Foghorn’s life didn’t, and wouldn’t, bring his family back. Finding himself dumbfounded, he began to trot, head down, through the field where the bad drug deal happened, almost a year ago now. He took one last deep breath, looked at the stars, and took his first step on the road. This was it he decided, he was finally going to reunite with his family again once more. As the headlights raced towards him, he heard his family in unison whisper to him “You’re finally home Ralph, you’re finally home.”

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Knock-knock? Who's there? I... I dunno I was planning on thinking of a joke before you said who's there, but I ran out of time.

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Q: What's worse than both of your parents dying in a terrible car accident? A: Sitting in the back seat with your grandparents.

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I dont often wash my hands in the bathroom but when i do its so people dont think im gross.

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A stipper walked into a club, though it was a golf club so she tripped and cracked her skull on it.The end.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Quetzalcoatl. Quetzalcoatl who? Quetzalcóatl, Mayan name Kukulcán, (from Nahuatl quetzalli, “tail feather of the quetzal bird [Pharomachrus mocinno],” and coatl, “snake”), the Feathered Serpent, one of the major deities of the ancient Mexican pantheon. Oh... hi.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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