"Jim would you like to share what you've written?" says rehab counselor "Roses are red, Violets are blue, Heroin is bad, I see sound."

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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hi im tom. whats your name? joe. hi im tom. whats your name? joe... tom has short term memory loss.

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so there are 2 muffins in an oven,1 says to the other "holy s**t its hot in here!" and the other says,"omg!its a talking muffin!"

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Why did the gorilla have big nostrils? Because it was a trait passed on to him from his biological father.

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What did the doctor say to the obese person? You have diabetes.

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What's the difference between Barney the dinosaur and Santa? Barney Loves you.

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Boy: Hey girl see these arms? They are just dying to be wrapped around you! She stabs him dead End of story

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What do you do at a club? You club.

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have you seen the movie, Constipated? Never mind, it hasn't come out yet.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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What did the cannibal say after he ate the clown? I am not sure as the tragic situation occurred while the clown was hiking alone.

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* How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man? * He just need to go to the Register Office and change his name to "a man"

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How do you shoot an eagle? You don't. The eagle is going too fast for you.

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A Homosexual, a platypus, and a rubber spoon walk into a bar...

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What did the guy day to the other guy with an afro on his head? You look like a guy with an afro on his head.

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What has two legs, but can't walk? Half a dog.

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What did the man say while he was in surgery? Nothing, he was in surgery.

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Q: What would Martin Luther King Jr. be if he was white? A: Alive

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Why do mexicans eat tacos? Because they're good

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two japanese men walk into a bar. the first japanese man says “i am japanese!” the second japanese man says “i am also japanese!” the bartender then says “well, hey. i’m japanese too”. the bar was in japan.

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whats the difference between a black baby and a white baby? thier skin tone.

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Why didn't the boy eat his soup? It was to hot.

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If life gives you lemons, you are probably suffering from hallucinations.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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