VITAMIN C!

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What do family members and a loaf of bread have in common? If you smash them with a hammer they die.

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What do you call a giraffe driving a car? A danger to society.

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Why did little Timmy fall off his bike? His pace maker failed.

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What do a turtle and an eagle have in common? They can both fly. Except for the turtle.

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I am colorblind I hate my life

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Your landlord your being evicted we need you out in 2 weeks.

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Roses are gray Vilots are gray im a dog

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two hippo's were in the lake. The water was up to their eyes. What did one hippo say to the other? I don't know why but i keep thinking it's tuesday.

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Why can't Sally use the swings? Because she has no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there?? ... Not Sally.

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why was the teenage girl crying? She was molested as a child

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Two kids walk into a bar and get arrested for underage drinking.

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A man walked into a bar. He said ow.

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I once had a friend We had our arguments, and went our separate ways.

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willam dafoe

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An astronaut, a nun and a fireman walk into a bar. They all order something to drink as they have all had a busy day.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Random link time! http://www.booksie.com/thrillers/novel/declan_mckimm/pure-evil

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What did the banana say to the apple? Nothing, although on a deoxyribonucleic acid level, bananas are technically sharing 50% of their genes with us, humans, but yet still have the incapability to produce its own voice. In addition, apple can't talk either due to their lack of nerves, veins, arteries, and diaphragm, therefore bananas not apple cannot produce sound.

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A blind man walks in a bar I mean like a metal bar But it didn't hurt He only laught

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What's brown and sticky? Molasses.

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Why did Billy kill Joey? Joey had sex with Billy's wife... and Billy wanted revenge.

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the man walked into the bar and said ur gay

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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