Man: Hey girl for a minute there I thought I had died and gone to heaven, but now I realize that I am very much alive, and that heaven has been brought to me. Girl: No actually you were right the first time we are both dead right now.

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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Q:What do you call an insecure person A:Somebody who is likely to commit suicide

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What do a plum and a rabbit have in common? They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

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A dog walked into a bar. He was a trained seeing-eye dog leading a man who had been blind since a tragic industrial accident a year before.

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What do you call 100 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A weird kind of genocide.

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What does china and an 80 year old body builder have in common? They're both asian. I forgot to mention that the body builder is japanese.

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What's worse than having a spiked club shoved up your butthole? Not much.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Who are you?

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24

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Q.If I have four apples and billy has 4 oranges, how many pancakes will fit on the roof. A. 3 because aliens like purple hats.

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Leading a hike.. Kid falls off a cliff and dies. Who cleans him up? Bear.

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i woke up in the middle of the night and my entire bed was wet... know what i did? i layed a towel down and went back to sleep

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what's funnier than the holocaust. If it happened again.

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69

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Why did Darren Wilson quick scope Michael Brown? Because he was being attacked, racism is wrong

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Why did the cat fall out of the tree? Cause the branch broke. Why did the baby fall out of the tree?Cause it was stapled to the cat.

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A chinchilla and an octopus walk into a bar. What do they say? The octopus says Hello but the chinchilla says nothing because chinchillas cannot talk.

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Ashton Kutcher meets a fine cougar at a bar and the cougar fatally wounded his throat.

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What would Jesus do? Something that would in getting nailed to a piece of wood.

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Doctor: “Knock Knock” Patient: “Who's there?” Doctor: “The interrupting Doctor” Patient: “The inter- Doctor: You have cancer.

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Q:where did the little kid go? A:wait, before or after i killed him

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knock. knock. whos there? ur mom now put ur pants back on

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*insert lame joke stolen from the top 10 jokes and act like it's original because I changed one word*

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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