What is the answer to this joke? Cuz fuck you that's why.

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Roses are red Zombies are hungry and blue My brain is half-eaten And what about you?

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What is green and fuzzy and can kill you when it falls out of a tree A pooltable

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How many clowns fit in a car? Depends how many get in the car.

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how do you get a cat out of a tree? shoot it

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roses are red violets are blue i have no money could i have some

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Women are like fish. It's hard to tell when they are crying underwater.

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A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are best friends and go shopping together.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? If you don't know the answer by now, there's something wrong with you.

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What happened when the nigga looked up his family tree? A gorilla shit in his face

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What do you do when you come across a dead baby? Add it to your collection.

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what has wheels and runs on gas? a car with feet

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why did graeme go to olivias house to do fun things

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What's worse than finding a Holocaust in your apple? The worm

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Y R U A B? I don't know why I am a bee.

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's not funny.

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Why didn't the man fall off his bicycle? Because He wasn't riding a bicycle!

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why did the Chinese family eat a dog? Because they were poor and starving refugees.

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Doctor, doctor, I think I've got a problem! Correct, you have got acute cancer, you have 2 months to live.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for his birthday? Nothing, he doesn't have the ability to open a present.

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I'm on a seafood diet. It consists of prawns and tuna.

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What do you call a person with a cane? someone with a walking disability

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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