Why did the fat man fall off the swing? Because he weighed 855 pounds and it broke.

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A Mexican man walks into a bar, the bartender asks "haven't you got a damaged liver?" The Mexican replies "haven't you got a job to do?" The Mexican died 2 seconds later

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How do you torture Helen Keller? You put her on a table and slowly pull her limbs off

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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Question: So, what do you get if you put a live dog, a dead cat, some sugarcubes, and your sisters panties (HORMONES OKAY? EVERYBODY KNOWS HORMONES EQUALS SPICE! Or something anyways...) In a blender until its all red and squishy? The hell I know, but put some Redbull in it, and its fucking delicious!

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What's green and frolics in the forest? A flock of cucumbers.

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what happened to the little kid on a bicycle? Nothing

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ecks! why zee?

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is both deaf and blind. Driving would be an extremely hazardous action for herself and other nearby drivers.

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What's the difference between a boodle and a scoodle? Ladoodle!

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when Life gives you lemons, make lemonade. So i made some lemonade. Turns out the lemons Kawazaki Life gave me were poisoned and i shortly die afterwards. i wouldve died cursing out her name but she was cute so i forgave her in my mind. and thus i die in peace.

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-What did George Clooney say to Jennifer Lawrence? -"Hi!"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She was deaf and blind.

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A black guy and a white guy are in a car. What is going to happen? They will arrive at their destination.

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What do you call it when Justin Beiber has sex with a girl? Consensual sexual intercourse between two young adults.

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What do a fish and an eagle have in common? They both live underwater aside from the eagle.

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What's worse than getting a flat tire on a date? getting one while rushing your dying grandfather to the hospital.

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There's 2 black guys in a car. Who's driving. Probably one of the 2 men.

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how do u get to your favorite chinese restaurant? wok.

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Why did the little kid use pillows at night? Because he was constipated.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.

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What do you call an armless legless man swimming? Dead

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why did kyle and jake have sex? Because they were gay.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops