Roses are red, lemons are sour, open your legs and give me an hour.

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If you were a cactus, why?

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j

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What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

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I honestly have no idea what is upsetting you, why would I lie about my name? Please don't leave, you do remember me don't you? Can I call you over?

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what did the turnip say to the plum? nothing, as most fruits and vegetables would've said

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That's about as suspicious as a nun doing squats in a cucumber field.

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What's funnier than one anti- joke? Two anti- jokes.

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dude ur such a bon of a sitch

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I haven't read and I don't agree to the Terms of Service

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? I don't have a last name.

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Why is Obama black Because his parents were black

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I have tuberculosis because Ebola is too mainstream.

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What is brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre

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You know what would be funny? If the Incredible Hulk asked Spiderman to change his diaper.

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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Why did the boy not wake up on time for school? He was fucking dead.

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What did the muffin say to the cup cake? nothing, muffins can't talk, and cup cakes can't hear.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it does whatever the hell it wants to do!

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Q: How do you kill a Brazilian Blind Electric Ray? A: Killing endangered species is a crime.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Your mama's p*ssy is so stank, she should probably consult her physician as she may have an easily treatable infection.

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Batman vs Superman the movie spoilers: Batman and Superman argue over how to handle some alien invaders, Batman wants to kill em, Superman believes he can save em. In the end they work together and save everybody. Moral: I hope they change the script, ever noticed how every hero vs hero themed movie/cartoon, ends up with them allying at the end? If ya do not believe me, just wait for the movie to come out.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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