What starts with P and ends in ORN? Porn.

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The man who invented the teleprompter has died at the age of 91. When President Obama heard the news, he was speechless.

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A squirrel and an owl are sitting in a tree. A farmers walks by underneath, and the squirrel turns to the owl and says nothing, because squirrels can't talk and neither can owls. Then the owl eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.

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Why don't women need watches? Because most people carry cell phones that tells them the time making watches redundant and obsolete.

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Hey i just met you and this is crazy, but heres my penis, so suck it baby.

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Q: What did the blonde woman say? A: My hair is blonde

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Three bars walk into a Jew.

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Roses are red violets are blue my d*** is bigger than you.

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why did the dog jump into the pool? because the cat was chasing him

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Women.

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What do you call a man wearing a fedora doing the moonwalk? A man wearing a fedora doing the moonwalk.

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Whats worse than being arrested for a crime you didn't commit? Starving children in africa.

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why did the pinapple walk the plank? to eat a cat because cheese say people!

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What did the Rabbi say to the priest? The holocaust was real and it tore apart my family.

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squirrels with massive bonerss

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What do you call a man who eats a swordfish at 11 o'clock? Dead by midnight.

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Knock knock. The door was not answered because, rather than rapping upon the door with his knuckles twice consecutively, Joseph simply said the onomatopoeia verbs vocally. He intended to wish his neighbor and dear friend of twenty years the best of luck with his current situation, as his neighbor had been recently divorced from a marriage of forty-eight years. Joseph then walked home, because intruding upon his friend's privacy would have befuddled him even further.

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a black man kills a family member of a mexican guy. the mexican guy goes to the police, what happens? The mexican guy gets deported back to his country after they realize that he was illegal

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A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

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What do the words lightbulb and lightweight have in common? The word light is in both words. Other than that absolutely nothing.

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What did the Farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Wheres my tractor?"

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Hey I just met you And I am crazy So I will kill you And eat your body

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Your mother is SO wealthy, that she should help stop the poor children in Africa from starving by donating some spare change to the Let's-Help-Stop-The-Poor-Little-African-Children-From-Starving donation center. -not a real place!!!!!

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wow such mark very mark many mark so mark

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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