What gas station can u make a Kwick trip at? Kwick trip

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, if the socket were 20 feet in the air, it might take 4 blondes with really good balance. Then again, it might not matter how many blondes there are due to transportation issues. (What if there are no replacement light bulbs in the house, and the nearest store was 10 miles away? It would be ridiculous to expect someone to walk twenty miles to replace a light bulb) In conclusion, I would say that the number of blondes it takes to screw in a light bulb is dependent on the individual situation at hand.

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You again? Well, ill answer again then. Ill be fine, I just got some wounds and got beaten into a coma which nobody was sure I was going to wake up from so details where hidden. As for this Neo guy, I have no idea who he is and where he arrived from, but if he is gone, it wont matter. Lets just say I wont die from these wounds, some people disagree, but I have overcome far, far worse, so trust me, these guys told me I had two weeks to live about a month ago, and the doctor that was there at my birth told me I had two months to live and would never develop a consciousness... I digress and my japing mouth disagrees with his statement regarding my not being able to learn or understand fluid language, hah... ...As for you Golgo12 "some people deem me insane", id say most people do, except six million of them, and I do not plan to leave this realm just because my lifelong dream is set, there is still much to do, point zero is not exactly a nice place at the moment, but technology and money can do wonders, we soon plan to expand things. Sorry everybody else, I am too tired to answer anything, id say something sooner, but I officially beat the record of 11 days without sleep by not being able to sleep for 14 days, and then I raged when I read you need to hold on for at least six weeks on valium if you want to quit cold turkey. Technically docs say I am on 30 mg, but fuck I can handle 20 just fine... Cant say the same about none. Ill gladly share more details, but if I cant sleep soon, the damn pain will keep me awake all night long... Besides I am hungry... Which is good, my nurse (Alice is damn cute lucky me) was concerned about me refusing to eat, thats over... Oh yeah the details, I got some burns (lets not go into details, lets just say that for you that call me pretty face, this is no longer the case) They shattered my knees, but my kneecaps "broke on their own" (dad) when I was four, and you guys know I can run and all that. Except that they put some shit on my eyes before I broke free, but I managed to wash it away, so while I need some glasses until I see if laser surgery can fix my vision again (I doubt it, its not how it works) I will apparently be wearing glasses that Alice says makes me look "cute and nerdy" which to me sounds like Nerdy. Fine I got to eat, so if you have any more questions, feel free, and if Eliza got any more, I ask you guys let her go first, its not like "YOU ARE ALIVE?!? AGAIN?!" Is a question I need to answer to each of you rite? Well now or... Never (aka next week or something) so get moving...

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When I was a kid, I had a clown at my birthday party. He molested me. Later I found out the clown was my dad.

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what happened to the boy who crossed the street. he got shot by a bus

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Hey youknow what's funny???? Jokes

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a muslim, jew, and catholic went into a bar and sat down and had drinks. The muslim asks the jew "are you macrobiotic". the jew replies "no" and they go about their fun....

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What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars, except for the duck.

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Why did the first squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure. Why did Bobby fall off his bike? He was hit by 4 squirrels Why did bobby die? He was hit by a bus

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Roses are Gray, Violets are Gray, I am color-blind, I hate my life

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You are so stupid you should go to school and get an education so you are able to get a well paying job in this tough economy

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What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A fossil.

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Q: What did Batman say to get robin into the Batmobile? A: Robin, get in the Batmobile!

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What did the rabbit say to the rabbi? ...RABBITS DO NOT TALK! So then the rabbi said, "In that case you must be a hare!"

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What did Helen Keller see on her trip? Nothing

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What do you call a baby in a blender? The newest Doritos dip.

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roses is red violet is blue i will smack you

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Fuzzy Whuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Whuzzy has no hair. Fuzzy Whuzzy has Cancer.

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So a man is sitting at a bar with about 20 girls sitting all around him. Amazed at this man's ability to pick up girls, another man asked him how he did. In response, the man said, "What?". The man wasn't able to hear the other man, due to the fact that there were many girls talking.

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A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

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what do you call a fish with no eyes fsh

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myspace

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What's the difference between a white man and a black man? The white man comes from European descent and the black man comes from an African descent. This leads to the difference in their skin color.

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Chapter 1 Once upon a time there were two little kids named Jesse and Mary Sue. They were brother and sister. Their mom and dad had divorced years ago. And their dad now was seeing someone else. She was cruel to them behind their father’s back. She said if they got married, she would make their life’s miserable from the moment she said I do”. One day their dad called them into his room. When they got in there he told them to sit on the bed, then he said “there’s going to be a new member in the family and a lot of changes too. What I’m trying to say is I’m getting married”. “What”, they said. "Quite the surprise isn’t it?" said their father. Father you can’t it’ll ruin our family tree said Jesse. Well I’m sorry kids but I love her, before their father could say anything more they ran out of the house and let the door slam behind them. Chapter 2 After walking a while, they finally stopped and realized they were a long way from home in a part of the neighborhood they had never seen before. There were fairies as beautiful as princesses’ birds with the rainbow colors on their feathers all different kinds of animals, beautiful butterflies and the most unexpected fairies they thought they’d only see fairies in there Fairy Tale books. It soon became dark, Jesse and Mary Sue had fallen asleep on a rock. When Jesse and Mary Sue woke up in the morning, they saw that all the animals were lying next to them. After they’d been there a while the animals bird and fairies started asking how they found their way there. The children told the truth, they said they’d gotten mad that their father was getting married to a women they didn’t like so they ran away and when they stopped they were there. After telling them that the animals said they were glad they found their way because now they had someone to play with. Then they introduced the princess of the fairies, her name was Patty. Her dad, the king of the fairies, called her Patty the Pooh. She was very pretty, she had short Blonde hair with a crown made out of gold and an outfit fit for a princess. The princess said she had good news, one of the fairies was going to have a baby fairy. Everyone congratulated her. Then she went on, we found out a few weeks ago but we didn’t want to jinx it. Everyone congratulated her again and went to bed. The next morning she had the baby. She decided to name her Julia. When she turned one and was able to walk Jesse and Mary Sue were still there. It was Saturday when Jesse and Mary Sue were about to leave and then they heard a familiar voice and decided to stay for another night. Chapter 3 Early in the morning the next day, they heard it again so they got out of bed to see were it was coming from, but on there way out of Fairyland, they woke up. Julia liked to go on adventures so, of course, she wanted to come with them. So the three went to see were the voice was coming from, they followed the voice to a cave and peeked inside. Jesse and Mary Sue could not believe what they saw. It was their step mom, she was talking to someone but they weren’t sure whom it was. Julia knew who it was. Mary Sue and Jesse asked Julia who their step-mom was talking to. It’s the demon, she replied, he has a son too. When he gets older he’ll do what his dads doing, His dad is very evil. Years ago everybody in fairyland challenged him. They said whoever won got the land and the other person had to go some were else. And the demon lost so he had to move out here. But why would our step-mom be talking to him that sounds really weird. Maybe she’s a demon too, said Jesse. No I don’t think that could happen, said Julia, but maybe because nobody knows who's the little demons mother. Julia continued, we have to get home and warn daddy, Mary Sue said. Chapter 4 So the next morning they told everyone they had to go, they had to go warn their dad. So they said their goodbyes and were off but then Julia’s mom stopped them and asked if they would take Julia with them, they said they would and then her mom continued, it would be the biggest adventure she ever had. Then Julia thanked her mom and her mom thanked Jesse and Mary Sue and then they told them they would be back soon and then they left fairyland. Now Julia knew this was going to be the biggest adventure she ever had because she’d never been this far out of fairyland before and she was excited. Jesse and Mary Sue told her that when they were at their house she has to hide and Julia agreed. So when they arrived, Julia did as she was told and hid behind a plant in the living room. In their father’s room they were telling him about who they had seen and were they had seen her, of course, their father, who found this a little hard to believe, welcomed them with open arms but then said I think you two are sick. Come and lay down a while. Dad! They both said we’re not sick, we really saw her. How could you if she was right here by me the whole time you were gone. The only time she left was when she went to the store and got groceries. We don’t under stand, where is she now she went to get groceries. Fairyland! They both said at the exacted same time. They both ran out the door with Julia following behind them but this time their dad followed them, hoping he would find out what was going on. As soon as they got there and the dad had a chance to catch up he asked them what was going on, they said that they would explain again later. Then they went to the cave were they had seen her but she wasn’t there. Now their father was beginning to think this was all a joke. When he saw their step mom and his future wife, she was coming out of a secret passage in the cave. Then all four of them went back to the fairies and asked them if they knew about it. The fairy’s said no except one. He said he’d been trying to find out what was Chapter 5 The door then opened and Mary Sue clinched onto Jesse’s hand so hard it was turning red, the pass way looked like fairyland except there were no fairies. Then! They saw it a golden door but it had a keyhole. Where would they find a key that big, they were puzzled so they sat down to think. Then they all decided to go back to fairyland but when they said the magic password someone they had not been warned about spotted them. He grabbed them by they’re arms and made them walk with him, they tried to escape but he wouldn’t let go. He was the demon’s companion his name was Alfred but everyone called him Al. He took them to the demon who was being carried on a mattress and all he was doing was eating grapes and giving all the girls he’s phone number, not very impressive if you ask me. Then finally after stuffing a handful of grapes in he’s mouth he said I thought you’d be coming here soon after I saw you two spying on me and that kind lady I was talking to. "She's our step mom and she’s not kind at all." I never knew kids could be so rude to someone who truly loves them, take them away, take them away said the demon I can’t stand them any longer. Jesse, Mary Sue and they’re Father were handcuffed to a shelf in a closet. Julia was locked in a cage in the corner of the closet but you couldn’t see her because a shirt was covering her. "Maybe there’s a secret hiding place the Demon puts a key in to unlock and lock the door", "Good idea." Julia said. Mary Sue started looking for a piece of wood that would come out of the wall with the one hand that wasn’t handcuffed. Soon it was late and she still hadn’t found anything and in no time she fell asleep along with her brother, her dad and Julia. In the morning when Mary Sue woke up she accidentally hit the wall when she was stretching. Hey guys, I think I found something she said. It was a loose board, when the board fell out there was a big key behind it. This looks like a key for something very important I’ll put it in my pocket. I think I know what that important thing is, let’s go. Chapter 6 So they went back to where they had last seen the demon and again found him laying down being feed grapes by all the girls. When they saw him they said we know your plan and we have the key you hid in the room you locked us in "but I have a spare, did you actually think I’d put the key in the same room I locked you in with out a spare", said the demon. While the demon was talking Julia had came up with an idea of her own and was already starting it. She slipped behind the demon and knocked the key out of his hand. "Actually I did" she said just catching the key in her hand and now that I have both keys your plan is history she added and “we’re off to save fairyland”. Not so fast said the demon, "did you really think I’d fall for that too?" as two guards stepped out from behind the bushes. They were tall demons even taller then the demon and himself. Julia, Mary sue, Jesse and their father all ran as fast as they could, then they saw a cave and ran but it didn’t take to long for the guards to sniff them out, they came running after them. Then Julia, Jesse, his sister and their dad saw a waterfall, they took their only chance and jumped with a deep breath, but of course Julia flew. When they landed, they swam to the surface and realized they were back where they started at the big door. They put the key in and all the sudden the demon came but they opened the door and they hurried in, before the demon could catch them. Then all the sudden they know what to do, they said the magic words which were “open pass way” and then they picked a magic flower and put it in the pot they saw in the middle of the room and the flower turned into a liquid which they poured on the demon, his son which turned them into who they where before. The demon was the fairy prince, his son was a normal kid and the guards were mice. As for they’re step mom well this effected her too she came out as a kind lady and said hi I’m sorry if was mean to you before the demon which is now the fairy prince had me under a evil spell, they all forgave her. microwave

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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