How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Ask me if i'm a tree. Are you a tree? No. okay? Why did the chicken cross the road? why? because its motor skills allowed it to cross. dude, seriously? What did Jimmy's grandmother get him for Christmas? What?. Nothing she died two years ago. that's horrible. When did she die? On his birthday. Dude, stop! Wait how did she die? Fine, How? She was driving down the road and swerved to miss a chicken. oh. And what did she hit? UGGG What? Thankfully not me. because I wasn't the tree. :0 oooooooooooooh

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Two Chav's jump off a cliff who wins? Neither, the affects of gravity are equal despite the weight of said object.

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What do you call a college student who never studies? An irresponsible person

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What's worst than being stung by a bee? being stung by two bees. what's worst than that? The Holocaust. What's worst than that? being stung by three bees.

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Q. why did the boy who just had his first kiss feel no emotion? A. He got hit a Croquet mallet and died

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a man walks into a bar. ouch. that must suck, but he should really look where he's going

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a dyslexic man walks into a bra and realizes he is quite lucky as another man walks into a large steel pole

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer

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What's worse than a paper cut? 2 paper cuts.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

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What do you call a girl with no legs? Disabled.

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What was little Sarah's last Words to johnny before he got hit by the bus??? Can i have your ice cream.

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What do an owl and a squirrel have in common? They can both fly! Except for the squirrel.

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Lightning strikes 2 year old baby.

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Why was the blonde so stupid? She suffers a severe case of retardation.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witnesses, can we have a moment of your time?

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What's the sexiest thing on a farm? It depends on what you find sexy, and your personal perception of a farm.

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Doctor, doctor, I just swallowed a roll of film! That was an incredibly foolish and dangerous thing for you to do. I would be surprised if you survived another day before the chemicals corrode your stomach lining and release hydrofluoric acid throughout your body causing sepsis.

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Why did the cow hail a taxi? Because cows can't drive.

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I put children on a leash and store them under my bed. I feed them bird food and they drink eachothers urine.

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how do you keep an idiot in suspense. I dont' know he still hasn't told me

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead

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roses are blue violets are red dont judge me

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops