What do you call thousands of people running through london? The marathon

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A bar walks into a man... The man begins screaming uncontrollably as the corner of the building is inserted into his anus. Brick by brick, the bar forces its way inside the man's ass, as blood begins dripping down his legs. The man knows damn well it is impossible for such a large building to be contained inside him, but he grits his teeth and forces his ass open wider. His ribs break, his lungs collapse, and his now lifeless body is stretched into the shape of the bar. The bar is almost entirely consumed before the man's skin gives way to the bulging pressure...with an explosion of blood & organs, the shredded remains of the man are slung-shot around the lot where the bar formerly stood. The bar, now soaked in a mixture of blood & organ fluid, reflects upon the failure of its experiment. For the next attempt, a man of far greater fortitude must be used, so that his body does not burst so easily. Only then will it achieve its dream of becoming the first bar to walk into a man.

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Three men are walking on a beach when they find a lamp. They rub it, and a genie comes out. It tells them that they each get one wish, and to choose wisely. They each decide to discuss what to wish for with their wives. Their wives take them to a local hospital, where they receive treatment for hallucinations.

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A black man walks into a bar with a lovely parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks "hey where did you get that Africa says the parrot...

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A father and his son get into an accident and are whisked away to the hospital. The father dies, and the son is brought into surgery. The doctor is rushed in, but looks at the boy and says "I can operate on this boy, his my son." How is this possible? The boy's father was a zombie.

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Why did the man throw the clock out the window? Because he saw his ex-girlfriend walking down the street so he was trying to kill her by hitting her in the head with the clock.

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What's the difference between a person who can differentiate an anti-joke from a joke and one who cannot? Other than being able to tell the difference between the two types of humour, it is impossible to tell, as no further information is given.

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How does a black man laugh? He schuckles

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Your dad must be a drug dealer because I saw him in your kitchen snorting cocaine

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Q: why did the dog fall down the stairs? A: Because I pushed him down.

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There was once a Polish man who was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of him. He decided to do something about it. He sat down to contemplate the situation, and after a few hours, he thought, "I have never seen anyone making fun of Italians. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am Polish and make fun of me." He went into isolation for three months and after a lot of practice, he walked confidently into a shop and said, "I am a very hungry. Give me some pepperoni and zucchini." Immediately, the man behind the counter said "Are you Polish?" This guy was taken aback and he repeated his request. The man behind the counter said, "Are you Polish or not?" This man was finally very ashamed and amazed at the shop owner's discerning ability and so he admitted to the fact after which he asked, "But how did you know?" The shopkeeper replied, "My grandmother was Polish. I could tell by your accent."

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I had a terrible childhood. My mom abandoned me before I was born.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? poke her face.

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Roses are Red Violets or Red Trees are Red HOLY SH*T MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!

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whats red, sits in a corner and is slowly getting smaller and smaller baby with a cheese grater whats green and sits motionless in the corner same baby 2 weeks later

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civil rights

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What's big with fat all over it? Your mom on this dick

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The only time when white and black are together When I've just taken a shit! ?ttis

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A child walks into a bar. I swear those jungle gyms are too short.

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life is like a rapist. sometimes they're nice other times, they ram you in the ass.

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Hello, can I order a cheeseburger?

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you can either take the test now or on monday. (hand movement)

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A Texan, a Mexican, a Brit and a Frenchman are on a plane that begins having engine trouble. The black box was never found.

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What looks like midnight and is addicted to shemale porn? Xavier Jordan! Courtesy of Mrs. Maxwells 7th period

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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