How do you get a cow off a swing? Hit it with an axe.

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Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: The wheel chair.

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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

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Why did the girl throw away her hairspray? Because she realized the harmful contaminants emitted from the nozzle were expediting the deterioration of the ozone layer thus contributing to global warming.

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Jamie: Peter your hands smell like cows! Jason: eeh no they smell like cows balls

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Q: why do orphans always go hard? A: because the can never go home.

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A man walked into a bar. He has been in a coma for six weeks now.

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Roses are red, violets are red, sunflowers are red, HOLY CRAP, MY GARDENS ON FIRE!

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A man walks into a bar and says, "I'll take a drink."

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If i wanted your 2 cents i'd rob you

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what do u call a 50 yr old man at disneyland a rapist

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How do you get your lawyer to shut up. Hit him with a bat.

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What did the lampshade say to the other lampshade? Nothing they sat in silence

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There are two cows in a field. One cow says to the other - 'Are you afraid of the mad cow disease?' The other cow says - 'No, cuz I'm a duck.'

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What's the difference between a black man and a bench? The bench is an object and the black man is a human being.

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why did the baby die? It was hit by a bus and then raped by a seal.

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How can you finally get your girlfriend to scream in the bedroom? Store the bodies there.

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What do you call a deer that has no eyes? I have no eyedeer

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What do you call an animal killed on the side of the road? A false accusation towards an inanimate object that has no other purpose then providing a safe and smooth ride for drives all around the world.

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Why couldn't the teenage pirate get into the movie? Because he lacked the required money for the ticket.

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Keith figured gasoline burns, doesn't it? He was wrong.

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What do you call an old man in his underwear with a bag of pepper on his back while licking pebbles off the sidewalk? Senile.

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I ounce had a parrot it talked buy never said im hungry so it died

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And so the baseball says to the tractor........ Your not my dad

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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