If god gives you lemons keep the lemon go to the store and buy oranges to make orange juice.

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What happened to the baby bird? It fell out the nest

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Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a truck. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally. Why did Sally fall of the swings? She had no arms. Why didn't Jimmy help her up? Jimmy is a fish. There's a guy with no arms and no legs who loves to swim. What's his name? Bob. Ya know Bob's twin brother is in the same condition. He loves to play in the leaves. And what's his name? Russell. Why couldn't Sally swing on the swing? She had no arms. What did the girls mom tell her to do before she went to bed? Go to bed. How do you wake up Will Ferrell? You set his alarm clock to a reasonable hour. What did the fat man who had his car stolen tell the police? Someone stole my car.

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Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip? to ge to the same side

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? "I'm going to kill everyone you've ever loved you fucking cocksucker, you think you can get away with sleeping with my wife? You better think again kiddo I will take away everything from you until you are reduced to a smoldering ruin of what you once was, mark my words bitch."

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Why did helen keller's dog run away? He lost track of his destination and got lost.

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A thief walks into a bank. He has an account there and withdraws 200 bucks.

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Half life 3 confirmed

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Why did Poppy lose at sports day? Because she had a heart attack and died.

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Why didn't the man go to work on Friday the 13th? Because he was unemployed.

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The verification for this post was debatable: "Which of these does not belong?" George Bush Barack Obama Bill Clinton Ronald Reagan Head of Cabbage Answers on a postcard please... [L]

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Why couldn't the blond dial 911? She lost her arms in a tragic car accident last year

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Yo mama is so stupid that see should really be concerned with furthering her education in a four-year university

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what's black and white and red all over? nothing... it's red

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The way I see it, there are two types of people. Some are female and some a male.

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Why didn't Jane text James? Because she was kidnapped.

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Q: Whats metal and shiny? A: You're lame childhood accomplishments.

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Why do dinosaurs have no friends? Because they are all dead

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What did the Albino say to the other albino? Due to heredity and our inheritance of Chromosomes causing albinism, We could be displaced in society but luckily, we have eachother. They went home and lived happily. But not ever after. That craps or normal people. (freaking albinos...)

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Why was 7 afraid of 8? Because 8 knifed 10.

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A man walks into a bar. He I then taken to the hospital for a major head injury.

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What is black and white and red all over? Interracial sex partners with smallpox.

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look im not better than you, your a ten im a two your a queen im a fool you got looks i got scares u got talent i got beuty to its a win win

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Two blondes walks into a tavern, which is kind of funny, since the second one should have seen it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops