Your momma's so fat she has diabetes and my have to get one of her legs amputated. It's actually quite sad.

Why Did the man Commit suicide? His body used cellular respiration to make ATP (A form of energy) and his body used it to send electrical signals to his index finger to pull the trigger on his .357 Magnum, thus putting a bullet through the soft tissue in his brain causing his body to shut down Imediately!

Q: What's worse than a truckload of dead babies? A: Shoveling them out with a pitchfork.

Q: What did Jenna Jameson say when she heard hard banging near the front door? A: Come inside

How many people does it take to paint an elementary school red? 27.

Roses are red Roses are also white and Violets are Violet not blue. Also I'm a realist and your grandmother is going to die soon

What did the little kid say to the stranger? Nothing. He was taught not to talk to strangers.

Roses are red Violets are blue We decapitated some little children Now I'm in jail too.

A dad says to his son "you better stop masturbating or youll go blind'. And the son says "dad im over here".

Q: What did the lesbian say to her partner? A: We cannot get married in forty five states.

Whats orange at the bottom of the swimming pool? A baby without floaties.

In Soviet Russia, Joseph Stalin killed a lot of people and there was nothing funny about it.

Q: What present did the Taliban's wife get on the islamic holiday A: a beating

Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver? She was a woman

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.

George Lopez never said anything funny in his life.

Roses are shut the f*** up. Violets are shut the f*** up. Shut the f*** up. Shut the f*** up.

Q: How to make a man who suffers from hypochondria want to kill himself? A: You take a shet on his face.

A blond, a brunet, and a red head jumped off a bridge. Which one hit the ground first? In order to solve this problem you would first need to figure out witch of the three had more of a body mass. Then you would need to calculate the accretion in case one brought along a cow. However, in the end the outcome is always the same: 3 dead bodies on impact and 3 mourning families.

What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because the mas of the ice-cream gathered up enough potential energy to increase the velocity of said ice cream making a mess on the ground.

Q: Why was it bad to be a black jew during the Holocaust? A: You had to sit at the back of the gas chamber

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