whats big fat round and bounces on the ground? a ball and your mum

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What's got 2 thumbs and a massive penis? A body parts collector I know called Harold Fortescue

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How many black people did it take to change the light bulb? I couldn't tell, the lights were out.

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What's slow and spotted? A cheetah, I lied about the slow part

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What's disabled and red all over. The kid I hit with my car.

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A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism.

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Why did the little girl miss 7 straight days of school? She died.

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Why did Suzy fall off the swing? As Suzy neared the ground while swinging, her foot caught a small hole in the swingset's pebble foundation, and the power of Suzy's momentum along with the sudden stop of Suzy's swing forced Suzy to fly forward off of the swing. Suzy, seeing the silliness of her mistake, laughed it off, and tried to get back up. She quickly realized that her leg had snapped in half. Suzy will never walk again.

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Why did Susie drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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What did the man give his wife for her anniversary? Nothing. The man is a raging alcoholic and forget her anniversary due to his high alcoholic intake during the past few weeks. Even if he did remember he most likely didn't care after seeing his wife cheat on him with another woman putting his marriage into shambles.

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What is the only non-racist animal? The mexican panda. Why? It's black, white, hispanic, and asian.

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Joe: Hey, why are your counters all red and your blender looks broken? Me: The same reason why Mrs. Johnson's baby is missing. ajl

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What musical band do you get if you keep shouting while in the mountain? The rolling stones. What do you get if you keep shouting in a snow covered mountain top? Blizzard Entertainment.

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A guy said a racist joke and he got beat up now he is in the hospital for what he said.

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Yo momma so fat, she's dead.

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Why didn't the 12-year old boy eat his birthday cake? He has diabetes and would likely die from the increased spike in insulin.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Interrupting cow Interrupting cow wh- SHUT UP!

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A man walks into a store with a faulty washing machine. He provides a valid guarantee receipt at the customer service desk and it is replaced without an issue

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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A kid walks into a ctholic school and asks about the therory of evolution.

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How many Alzheimer patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side!

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How do you get rid of herpes? You shoot up the cancer ward of a hospital.

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How many Anne Franks does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, cause she's dead.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "I have a gambling problem."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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