im telling maguire

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How many midgets does it take to change a light bulb? If you do the math, it's probably one.

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If your mom is a teacher and your dad is a gynecologist, how many pancakes does it take to stack on top of a dog house roof? 12. Because footballs don't have feathers.

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What did the astronaut say when he stepped on the moon? Oops, sorry.

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What is long, hard, cries a lot, and can't fall down a man-hole? A baby with a javelin through its neck.

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Q: Why did the plane crash? A: The pilot lacked flying skills and experience.

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Why did the blonde walk into the bar? To get a beer.

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Two guys walk into a bar together. They are diagnosed with a concussion and later on in life have serious brain issues

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Whats black, blue, and red all over? A man who has just been severally beaten.

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How do you keep a black man from hanging around your tree? You cut the rope.

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Q. Whats the diffrence between a squirl and a chipmunk? A. A squirl has a squirl mom and a squirl dad while a chipmunk has a chipmunk mom and a chipmunk dad.

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How do you make Justin Bieber cry? You take away his marijuana.

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What's the difference between a BMW and a pile of dead babies? There isn't a BMW in my garage.

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One day a baby hit himself on the head with a stuffed animal. I lied, it was a brick, so he died.

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How many dead guys does it take to build a shed? None. The contractor did it for 40 dollars an hour using maple wood.

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Every Good Boy Deserves Fibromyalgia

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So a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. They order some wine and have an enjoyable evening.

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wnna here a joke, toby limbers playing basketball

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How do you make something disappear from your hand? Throw it somewhere that's out of sight,

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A ham sandwich walks into a bar, bartender says "We don't serve food here."

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roses are grey violets are grey im a dog

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Why did the Mexican cross the road? Because he was late for his uncle's funeral, which was taking place in the church across from his apartment.

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A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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Nebraska the farmland its the only place for me!! I love the corn and the corn loves me!! I live for the corn and the corn lives for me!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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