Did you hear about the guy that had his entire left side cut off? He's all right now. Dead but all right.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two.

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A. why'd the chicken cross the road? B.a dog got hit by a bus.

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What did the golfer do on his vacation? He played golf.

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You're rowing a canoe upstream and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes can you fit in a dog house? None because icecream doesn't have bones.

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Two peanuts were walking down the street..........pepper.

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why was little timmys mother so upset on mothers day? Because he had been abducted earlier that week

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How many kids does it take to get a day off of school? ...26

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A homeless guy was walking along the beach when all of a sudden he see's what looked like to be magic genie's lamp so he pick the lamp up whipes it off then sells it for black tar herion.

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(To the pretty girl at the bar) "Was your father a thief? Because I really would like to have sexual intercourse with you."

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Day turn night. Dreaming is now true . Turn on your flashlight, slenderman is behind you.

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A woman gets into the front seat of a car and starts driving.

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A man walks into a bar. He leaves a large rucksack by the pool table and walks out. The rucksack then explodes and kills 13 people because it is the height of the Troubles and the man is a member of the IRA, who targetted the bar because it is regularly visited by British servicemen. The media extensively cover the story, and the two sides of the conflict in Northern Ireland decide that the bloodshed must stop, which eventually made way to the Good Friday agreement of 1998.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a fetish for sniffing your shoes.

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How was my day, you ask? First of all, I don't own a day. And second of all, it hasn't ended.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to my house. Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

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What's the difference between a duck?

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what did the man say to the doctor? how the hell would i know, ask him yourself.

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Two Mexicans are at the border and want to cross it. How do they cross it? Illegally

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knock knock whos there? ughh omg youre dying what yeah dear god ok ill call 911 no im fine its just a seizure ok get well soon

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What is worse than torture? Not much.

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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Knock, knock. Now before I asked "Who's there" I first opened the door as then I can see who's there without having to ask them through the door.

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Q:How many dead babies fit in a bathtub? A:It depends on the bathtub, but if all of them were the same size, babies also differ in size and sometimes shape. If all bathtubs and babies are the same, the number would be 1, because every baby will be as big as the bathtub.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops