How do you make 5 lbs of fat look good? Draw a smiley face on it.

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A woman is walking down the street. A midget approaches her and with his keen sense of smell, informs the tall woman of her delicious scent and says, "Ma'am your hair smells lovely, may I please take a closer sniff?" Then woman obliges and the midget is arrested for alleged rape, or as he put it, trying to sniff her vagina.

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What did the policeman say to the man robbing the bar? Stealing is wrong. Then the police read the man his Miranda laws.

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-How do fit an elefant in a refrigerator? Open the door and shove it in -How do u fit a giraffe in a refrigerator? Take the elephant out and put the giraffe in -If the king of the jungle has a meating which animal doesn't come? The giraffe because hes in the refrigerator -How do u cross a lake where aligators and snakes live? U swimm because they're at the meeting

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room and relieves A nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

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there are three girls one said daddy why is my name rose because a rose fell on her head when yur a baby. daddy why is my name feather because a feather fell on your head when your a baby mumamhama, SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!

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What is black white green blue and is wet and blind and deaf and homosexual all at the same time? What ever I just described

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Why couldn't the boy in the wheelchair sue the man making fun of him? Because he couldn't get up the stairs to court.

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Q. What did the Vampire say when he ate the Pizza? A. Nothing. It is literally impossible for a vampire to be real, therefore it's insane if you thought it said something.

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A horse and a group of people are the jury in a courtroom. They are expected to vote yay or nay of whether a supposed robber is guilty or not. The jury goes into their room. They come out, and the people vote yay. The room turns to the horse. The horse states his objection very thoughtfully, and then leaves the room.

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Why did the Mexican sneak across the US border? There aren't many good jobs for him in Mexico, and with the cost of living in his small village, he will be able to provide for his entire family of seven on just minimum wage in California. He will miss his family terribly while he is away from them, but he believes it is worth it in the end. Once he saves enough, he will pay the coyotes to smuggle the rest of his family over so they can be together again. Hopefully none of them will die on the journey.

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once upon a time jess was happy this once upon a time was a very long time ago, BABADOOK !

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What do Ethiopians do on Fridays? Starve.

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what did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware river? Get in the boat.

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where was Billy during the bomb? Every where

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~Roses Are Red~ ~Violets Are Blue~ ~I Am Straight~ ~Not Sure About You~ ~Tell us?~

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How many blacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, unless he's short. Then, he'll need a friend to hold the ladder for him.

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Why isn't Michael Jackson good at chess? Because he's dead.

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Why cant Michael J Fox draw a perfect circle? because he is dying of parkinson's disease.

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An elephant walks in a bar. The bartender and everyone rushed out as soon as they saw the elephant

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I walk into Tesco and wrestle an obese women for a packet of ''Mini's Biscuits''. This quarrel was over nothing but a trolley filled with them. I gradually became infuriated. Meanwhile, an employee commited suicide.

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Wanna hear a joke? Me too.

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What's worse than terminal cancer? Two terminal cancer?

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Why did the boy throw the clock out of the window? Because it was broken.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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