Knock Knock Hold on Im pooping.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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How do prevent a nun from walking through a revolving door? Put a spear through her head.

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A man builds a time machine but can only travel back in time. Where does he go? Irrelevant. Time and space exist on different planes.

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Refridgerator.

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How do you confuse a blond? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

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Q: Why shouldn't you walk under a ladder? A: Because it could fall on top of you. Be a reasonable human being and just fly OVER the ladder.

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What do an airplane and a grape have in common? They both have wings, except the grape.

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Whats worse than failing an English test? finding out your now exgirlfriend has aids.

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There once lived a man in Peru. He lived in a small apartment then died of kidney failure.

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Poker face

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A black man and a white man were on an island. They lived in England.

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Doctor! Doctor! Everyone seems to be stealing things! Piss off, I am a doctor not a detective you prick.

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today in aa we were telling stories one of them was: that a girl put a wet cat (to dry it) in the oven

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What do you call a bird that can't fly? an ostrich

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Q: Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? A: Because he had bladder control problems and feared he may ruin the first pair.

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How many babies does it take to paint a barn? It depends on how hard you throw them

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jamie and danel texta like to make love to each other using a gerbal as a toy when they make love they get a african covered in jelly to help them.

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A van drives into a car.

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What's the difference between a statue and a real human? The statue can't run if the birds shit on it.

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why did the plane crash? because the pilot was a tomato.

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What's the difference between a black person and cancer? If you don't know already, you should really question your countries education system and your parents upbringing.

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What do you call a group of white males wearing hoods and setting fires? Cold

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There's an african american, a latino, and an asian man riding in the car, whos driving? Obciously one of the three

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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