How did the fat guy survive the plane crash? Because he still in the food court at the airport.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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A Christian and an Atheist are in a bar, the Christian turns to the Atheist and says "If you don't believe in god you will go to hell." The Atheist replies "Your Mom doesn't believe in god." And then turns around to order another drink.

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why did the man fall off his bike? someone threw an oven at him

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whats worse than having ice cream and not eating it? Being lactose intolerant

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How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, the mystery is how mice can get inside a lightbulb.

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There's a black man in my family tree. Therefore, I could be considered biracial.

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What dd the man say to his wife? Make me a samich!

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why is the spine-tailed swift the fastest bird? because its faster than the second fastest bird.

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Why didn't the boy eat his soup? It was to hot.

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What did Jesse's friend say to Jesse? Hello Jesse

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A French man, Irish man and Japanese man walk into a bar, seeing as the men speak different languages no conversation begins.

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A man asked Alexander the Great if he was gay, yet Alexander the Great was not offended. Why? Because "gay" has a rather different connotation than in the modern world than it did in earlier time periods where it meant "happy". Also, Macedonians, Alexander the Great's native people, did not speak English so he would not understand the question. Also Alexander the Great was gay in the sense that he was actually a homosexual.

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? Because it thought it was a squirrel.

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What did the pedophile say to the delightfully curly-headed youth? Can I have fries with that?

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What do you tell your chicken when it is it's birthday. Nothing, because he wouldn't understand you.

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Yo mamma so stupid... She's considering going to college to get a better education

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whats awesome? a blade of grass with a mexican hat and a revolver.

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How many members of Coldplay can you fit in a mini? 4, as there are 4 members of Coldplay.

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there's a bus full of black people what do you call the white bus driver? coach.

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a man walks into the doctors office and says DOCTOR!, DOCTOR! IT HURTS TO BEND MY LEG!!! the doctor replies then dont bend your leg and the mans great pain eventually heals

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"Hey, do you guys wanna hear a joke?!" -no, shut up.

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Why was the cat meowing really loud? It was on fire. Why did the cat suddenly stop meowing? It died.

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What's the difference between a Jew and an apple? One of them is a fruit, and the other is not.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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