Q: What's worse than your parents dying in a car crash? A: You were in the backseat and saw your mother plead your father to slit her throat witht he broken glass because her legs were brushed and a windshield wiper was shoved in her kidney. As you stared on in pure horror, your father did as she asked with much contemplation. An ambulance arrives moments later. In the hospital, you tell your dad that you hate him for killing mom. You run away and he dies overnight due to heart failure. Yo suffered paralysis and now and are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your natural life and are sent away to a born-again foster care home where you are never adopted.

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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How does Lady Gaga like her meat? Cooked until it reaches an internal temperature of 180 degrees Fahrenheit to lower the risk of contracting diseases such as salmonella.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am a gardener

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What do you call an art history major with a job? A gainfully employed member of society, who assuredly benefited from his access to higher education (and quite possibly from acquaintances or family members within the company that employs him, though it is often considered impolite to mention this latter fact, as it may be construed to denigrate the aforementioned individual or his chosen field of study).

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What is it... Michael J Fox has a small one, modonna doesnt have one, Arnold Shwatznegger has a long one, the pope doesn't use his, and bill clinton uses his a lot. A last name

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what do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? a stick

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Don't wake me up. If you wake me up then I will give you a puppy. Just wait until you fall in love with the puppy, because then i will kill it in front of you.

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So, there's a man and a bar. He gets a hacksaw.

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Knock Knock.

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What is the proper response when someone says "My family died in a car crash"? Lol fail

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

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What did one cow say to the other? Moo.

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How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? A wood chuck could chuck as much wood as a wood chuck would if a wood chuck could chuck wood.

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What do an elephant and a can of soup have in common? They both can't ride a bike

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Wooooah! Thats literally the sound I made, anyway, can you like type the entire story in one setting, I feel weird, did you just try to hypnotize me? Anyway, are you trying to, woah, I am like high now...

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1,2,3,4,5..what comes next? yeah you should know how to count

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How do you make a dog drink? Put one in a blender.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A:I don't know i was asking you P.S. leave your answer in the comments below :D

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Why did the boy fail his midterm? he didnt study.

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What is white and shaped like a refrigerator? A refrigerator.

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What happens when a truck full of mexicans and a truck full of aisians collide? They all die.

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Two chemist walk into a bar. The Bartender ask them what they want. The first chemist says he wants H20. The second chemist laughs and says he wants H20 too. Then he dies.

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A: Knock Knock.. B: Who's there? A: John B: John Who? A: Shut the hell up, i'm masturbating.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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