What did the doctor say to the person who is suffering from obesity? Run fatass Run

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A grandfather clock fucked my bicycle!

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Doctor I have a headace! The doctor was dead.

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The Qur'an

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In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

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So a guy and his monkey walk into a bar I don't remember the rest of the joke but you mom is a whore

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Why was the chocolate black? It's not black you idiot, its white

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What do you call 4 Mexicans at the bottom of the ocean? Cuatro sinco.

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What will you never see? A white Guy that can jump.

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Why did the chicken cross the road Why? Because his house was burning down on the other side

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I farted and it smells like rotten ham with melted cottage cheese now dislike this please.

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If your dying how would you avoid getting eaten alive by sharks or rip to shreds by a T-Rex? Fall on a sword

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Once there was a giant Pringle. His family was dead, his wife committed suicide. So one day he was walking to work, when he met a genie! The genie granted him three wishes. The Pringle's first wish was to have lots of money. His second wish was to have his wife back. Before he could complete his wishing, he awoke in a hospital where he was hooked up to life support and was in severe pain. His wife wasn't really dead, but he was out drinking and accidentally walked across a motorway and got hit by a huge lorry.

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Why did the black man cross the road? he just wanted to cross the road, racist. ... after he had robbed a bank

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What is red and invisible? No tomatoes.

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Why did the little boy drop his ice-cream? He was run over by a bus and died instantly.

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the awkward moment when you kill everyone in school and blame it on the fat kid

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50 gay man and a homophobe are in a nightclub in Florida ...you know how the rest goes.

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Three black guys go to the mall, they proceed to have a grand time!

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How do you make a person dissapear? You can't that would break the laws of physics, so therefore rendered impossibe.

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I walked across a lake once. Someone said "JESUS CHRIST!" to which I replied with "YES?"

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Q. Why did the teacher trip and fall? A. Because his left foot was gnawed off by a camel, and he often finds it difficult to walk.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was black.

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What hurts more than a papercut? A chainsaw between your legs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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