Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was an avocado

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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Want to hear the story about how I got put in prison? So I have an odd bunch of friends: one of them is Polish and he works at a call centre, the other is a slave trader and his name is Richard. We tend to meet outside our Polish friend's house to speak or to do "business" when need be (I run errands for Richard) and the other day that's where I got asked to kidnap an American. "That's strange" I thought, but nevertheless I went out and took the American from his house and carried him over in a sack over to our meeting place. I handed him over and sneaked off as soon as I could, thinking I was home free. But I wasn't. The police turned up all angry like. There were witnesses. Turns out a bunch of kids saw me giving Dick a Yank next to the telephone Pole.

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A Sodium atom walks into a bar. A Chlorine atom bumps into it, taking the electron, then making a bond. Suddenly, the police come in. They arrest the Chlorine atom, of course, but they also arrest the Sodium atom. He says, "what did I do?" The policemen say, "you're too ugly to be out in public."

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Q:Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable A:The Wheelchair

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Hey dude. who died.... crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets YO MAMA

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why did hellen kellers dog run away? because if your name was awughunguh you'd run too.

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Whats the difference between a monkey and a baby? Eating a baby tastes better with saltines.

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what's the difference between a duck? You can't wash a window with a brick.

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What do you call a white hankerchief dipped into the red sea? Wet.

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Q: what happens if a black guy says hi person? A: he says hi person

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How much does a polar bear weigh? about 900 pounds

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Two cows in a field. One said, "Moo!" the other said, "Shit! i was going to say that."

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What do you a call a black man in a two piece suit? A respectable citizen, racial profiling is ignorant.

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What do accountants do when they're constipated? Take a laxative and eat plenty of fiber.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

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A man and his wife go out to dinner, after dinner they return home safely and the man kisses his wife good night. He then leaves his house, and goes to a bar with another women. He is a polygamast and it is socially acceptable in his town.

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What did the facial stylist charge Jack Sparrow to get his ears pierced? A buc-an-ear!

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how do you wake up a cat? you break it.

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Yo mama so fat, she suffered a heart attack last week and we are all deeply concerned.

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Why did the vulture cross the road? To get to the pile of dead babies left over from the Holocaust.

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What's Blue And Fat? A Brick. I like to lie a lot.

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A guy is taking a pee in the ocean and a fish swims up and drinks the pee. The fish says "thanks for the lemonade."

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What's worse than walking into your parents room while their have sex? Getting no-scoped by zzirgrizz

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops