A man is unemployed, ugly, short, fat, smelly and stupid. That's what she said.

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One dog says to the other "I love going for walks!" A women over-hears, screams "A Talking Dog!", and calls the police. The dog is put down and dissected for scientific research.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, It's not my fault, I found you in a zoo!

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What's the difference between Neal Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neal Armstrong was the first man to WALK on the MOON, while Michael Jackson enjoyed touching young boys.

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what did the lesbian say to the man? I don't like penis

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9-11 please state your emergency. My house is flooding! Dad, youre in the swimming pool.

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why did the kid sit alone at lunch? he had no friends

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69

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 0

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Why did hundreds ofnpeople die in a plane crash? Because the pilot was a salad.

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What happens when u mix water and soda? You get watery soda

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How do you steal from a sushi buffet? You say please.

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How do you make Samuel L. Jackson cry? Trick question...Samuel L. Jackson don't cry. ever...

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Knock knock. Who's there? Big Brother. Big Brother who? That's right. ALL are who, Akbar!

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why did the boat sink the captain drove it into a pile of sharp rocks

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Why did Shakespeare die? It's called life.

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what did one gay guy say to the other gay guy? want to suck dicks? (cause that's what gays do)

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What happens if you punch a girl? An equal rights protest.

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Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? He wasn't.

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Variants: :) I will always assist you in whatever you want. :( I want to kill you all by myself! Sense? Non? Fuck? Mind? Fission Mailed? Impossible Mission.

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Why do mexicans like burritos? Because they taste good.

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A man walks into a bar. He is rushed to the hospital and has his wounds treated.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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