What is the difference between a jew and a boyscout? A boyscout comes back from camp.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead.

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Why did the father leave work early on his son's birthday? He was rushed to the hospital after facing a severe heart attack due to a history of cardiovascular disease in his family.

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Why was little Timmy mauled by a bear? He poked it with a pointy stick.

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what do you call a black man sleeping on a park bench at 2 in the morning? Homeless

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2 Scientists walk into a bar. The first one asks for H20, and the second one asks for H20 too. They both enjoy a refreshing glass of water.

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what's funnier than the holocaust. If it happened again.

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What did the woman say when her boyfriend asked her to marry him? Idk my bff jill.

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What did the White guy say to the Black Guy? Nothing... he looked him up and down and spat at him instead.

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mary poppins' handbag is full of dick

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What's orange, brown, and blue? An orange, brown, and blue object.

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what do you when a black guy gives you a muffin. you eat it because he was your waiter.

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What's worse than a paper cut? 2 paper cuts.

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why did jimmy fall of of the tractor? Because he is a potato

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“Ok, time for bed” … is what I said to the empty living-room. It was getting late, and the internet no longer amused me. I picked up my cell phone, rooted through the couch cushions until I located the remote, and turned off the television that had been nothing but background noise for the last few hours. I made sure the front and back doors were securely locked, walked around the back of the couch, and turned off the only light. A tap on the screen of my phone created just enough light to keep from busting a toe on an errant table leg. Because my cats have an evil tendency to lie in the middle of the hallway, I aimed the small amount of light from my phone directly in front of my tired and shuffling feet. I’d only covered a small distance before I knew, from many nights of this same regimen, that I was getting close to the bedroom door. At this point my arm started the slow upward arc that would eventually illuminate the now pitch-black opening to the comfort of my room. The light emanating from my cell was quite dim, and this action had become quite rote, so my arc was about waist level before I noticed a slight variation of the familiar black of the open doorway. At that point, and in a disturbingly short amount of time, five things happened nearly simultaneously: My arm, the arm carrying the phone, continued to rise in its predetermined arc, having been an object in motion which would stay in motion. I released a small gasp and exclaimed to my husband that his sudden appearance in the dark had startled the breath from me. I remembered that my husband was at work. The light arc reached its apex on a face of protruding nail-like teeth. A face suspiciously bereft of eyes, with a gaping, oozing, bloody pit where a nose should have been. The light went out.

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What did the boy eat for dinner? Shit.

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AFTER PONDERING UPON YOUR SUGGESTION... I HAVE CONSIDERED, THOUGHT, SOUGHT TROUGH THE YELLOW PAGES OF WISDOM AND MIGHT, AND MY ANSWER TO THAT SUGGESTION IS... A DEFINITIVE, FIRM AND MANLY... Moral: MAAAAYBEEEEE?!?!?

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Q: Whats pointy and sharp and rhymes with life? A: A spear. It's close enough.

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A plane crashes on the border of the U.S. and Canada, where were the deceased buried? It turns out that there were passengers of several different nationalities on board, all of which were buried in their respective homelands.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are also red, "Honey, please call the fire department!"

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, your parents are dead they never loved you! I found this one on facebook and i just found this site and all yall got some good jokes LOL

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Q: What did hitler say to his generals? a: In a circumstance as the one we have found ourselves in. Eliminating our most threatening of enemies would be very logical. Unless they were of the superior race therefore, it may be frowned apon by our low ranked comrades. Causing another assasionation attempt on myself. So in conclusion I believe eliminating a rich and intelligent race far more superior than our own, would be the best way to go. So collect the Jews of Warsaw and we might have a chance.

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What did one muffin say to the other Muffin? Nothing, muffins have no method of communication in any way shape or form

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I'm pretty sure you can't throw a fridge...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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