How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One's fun to smash with a hammer and the other one is a watermelon.

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What's worse than a bug in your soup? Getting shot in the stomach.

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Hi... your father has testicular cancer and he will die in 2 months....

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Why does Snoop Dogg have an umberella? For shielding himself from the rain.

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Where did the paralytic go for a vacation? No where he can't move.

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What is the difference between my dog and my girlfriend? I love my dog

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if bought jim bought 78 sweets and he eats 68 what does jim have left? diabetes

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Have you ever had a traditional Ethiopian Dinner? Neither have they.

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why did the kid struggle in school? because hes mentally retarted

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Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

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Roses are black Violets are black I'm blind

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What did Marsha say when she ate the apple pie? Nothing. It would be rude for her to talk with her mouth full.

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So, a man walks into a doctor's office. He says, "Doctor, it hurts when I bent my arm like this." The doctor tells the man that it is simply a sprained muscle after thorough examination.

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What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in a bin? Finding one is missing.

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What did the prostitute say to the president of the United States? Good morning Mr. President. She had managed to leave the sex industry, finished her education and was doing secretarial work in the White House.

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What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? Fuck.

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Why couldn't the mother make her son's funeral? She died in a car crash on the way there.

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Why couldn't the Asian man drive very well? He was blind from birth.

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I was having sex with thisgirl and now I'm going to be a dad. All because I didn't wear a condom

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Roses are red My parents are dead I am Batman.

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Anti-jokes are funny.

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A man walks into a bar. Oh, wait, no. It was a horse. So... A man walks into a horse

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Why did the turtle take so long on his run? Because he never went on a run he walked.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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