Two men were standing on the 34th floor of a 65 floor building. They were trapped in a office with one window. here is their conversation: guy1: oh no what should we do??? guy2: I don't know!! this is awful!!! guy1: I have children and a loving wife!!! guy2 walks to the window sill and leans over. guy1: what are you doing? there is more to life we can get through this!! guy 2 jumps out the window guy 1 runs to the window sticks his head out and yells "MAKE MINE CHOCOLATE!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

why did the little girl fall off the swing she had no arms

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A black man, a jew and a muslim walk into a bar. ... I forgot what happens next, so let's just say they have a good time and get back home safely.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Knock Knock whose there your parents your parents who your parents just got malled by a hobo with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What would George Washington say if he were alive? "Help! im stuck in a coffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why the guy without two hands at the beach was so excited? Because he couldn't scratch his asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

When life throws you lemons, your first instinct is to make lemonade. Due to your severe lemon allergy, however, you will die within several minutes and therefore have no viable method of creating said lemonade. You die horribly and your death sparks a movement against the biological warfare of life.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Whats wrong Nero? What happened? Please pick up the phone, I am trying to call you, but it just goes from dialing to changing tunes, please do not be upset with me, what did I do wrong? I thought we had an understanding, please just pick up the phone, if you already have my number and all you got nothing to lose...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's the difference between Jesus and a painting? It only takes one nail to hang up a painting.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: What did blue say to red? A: Let's make some purple

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How do you kill a baby swinging on a rope attached to a pole at 40 miles an hour? Hit it with a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

yo mama is so hairy she has afros on her nipples

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Whats the difference between the Taliban and a Football Team? I'm not on the football team.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Want to hear an anti joke? Me too thats why Im on this site.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why was the Pizza Delivery boy crying? He was sad.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why didn't the boy answer the phone when it was ringing? Because he had no arms to pick it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What would make African women very happy? food and healthcare for their kids, and a proper education.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why'd the chicken cross the road? Who cares its a chicken, it probably got hit by a car. Go to McDonalds and get a chicken sandwich there he is

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a skeleton in your closet? Evidence of a brutal crime. You should probably call the cops.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the tree say to the boy? Nothing. As i recall, trees are unable to speak and or show signs of emotion.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why dont you greet your friend Jack on a plane? because you will say "hi Jack"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

yo mamma so fat that when she goes out in high heels she comes back in flip flops

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops