- Anti Joke

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun! So I KILL YOU!!!!

What do the Africans have for breakfast? Nothing.

Why did the computer explode into a million peices? It was thrown off the Empire State building.

Why was the black man picking cotton? Because he was in an area where slavery is a socially and morally accepted practice.

I put my baby in a microwave.

What's Hitler's favorite drink? Jews (meaning juice)

Why did the little boy wipe his face with a towel? It was covered with his dog's blood after getting hit by a bus.

Why do bears go to school on Sunday's? They don't, bears don't go to school.

When life hands you lemons...you should probably get yourself checked out because life is an abstract idea...

What's black and hangs from a tree? A tire swing.

What's big or small, can come in different colors, and would kill you if it was forced inside you? A refrigerator.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I forgot the rest, Don't laugh at me...

your mum

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead

If life hands you lemons you're probably a hippy because you know someone named 'life'

A man had just got done with work and was driving home through the country side when his car broke down. He turned the key and the car didn’t start so he turned the key again and it didn’t work so he started walking and walking and walking... and walking and walking and walking some more. And finally he came across a farm. He knocked on the door (knock on something) he knocked again (knock on something) he knocked again and finally the door opened (make the sound of a door opening). (In old man’s voice) what can I do for you sonny. The man said that his car broke down a few miles back and asked if he could stay there for the night and call for a tow truck in the morning. (In old man’s voice) sure but under one condition the old man said. And the old man walked out to the barn opened the barn door (make the sound of a door creaking). He moved the hay bale (make a thumping noise). Under it was a trap door the man opened the trap door (make the sound of a door creaking and then a thump). Under it was moldy, old, damp, steep steps. They walked down the steps (Make the sound of steps creaking (multiple times)). They walked down the narrow corridor and walked and walked and walked some more. Finally they got to a giant glass door the man pushed it open (make the sound of a door creaking). They walked and walked and walked some more. Finally they got to an iron bared door. The man opened it (make the sound of a door creaking). Then they walked and walked and walked some more. Finally they got to a large open room and in the corner was a cage and in the corner of the cage was a black figure (make sure you don’t say it was an ape). The old man said (In old man’s voice) don’t touch it and so they. Then they walked and walked and walked some more. Finally they got to an iron bared door. The man opened it (make the sound of a door creaking). They walked and walked and walked some more. Finally they got to a giant glass door the man pushed it open (make the sound of a door creaking). They walked and walked and walked some. And finally they walked up the moldy, old, damp, steep steps. (Make the sound of steps creaking (multiple times)). He closed the trap door (make the sound of a door creaking and then a thump). He moved the hay bale (make a thumping noise). Closed the barn door (make the sound of a door creaking). Walked to the house and went to sleep. The man had a dream about touching the figure (make sure you don’t say it was an ape) and right as he touched it he woke up. He thought nothing of it and went back to sleep. He had the same dream and woke up. He went back to sleep and had the same dream and decided to go check the thing out (make sure you don’t say it was an ape). He walked out to the barn opened the barn door (make the sound of a door creaking). He moved the hay bale (make a thumping noise). Under it was a trap door the man opened the trap door (make the sound of a door creaking and then a thump). Under it was moldy, old, damp, steep steps. He walked down the steps (Make the sound of steps creaking (multiple times)). He walked down the narrow corridor and walked and walked and walked some more. Finally he got to a giant glass door the man pushed it open (make the sound of a door creaking). He walked and walked and walked some more. Finally he got to an iron bared door. The man opened it (make the sound of a door creaking). Then he walked and walked and walked some more. Finally he got to a large open room and in the corner was a cage and in the corner of the cage was the black figure (make sure you don’t say it was an ape). He goes up to it and sees that it had changed places. He studies it more closely and sees that it’s a giant ape! He’s about to touch it and says to himself no I shouldn’t touch it the man told me not to I shouldn’t do. And then he’s about to touch it and he pulls his hand back and thinks I should get out of this place when I'm not paying attention I'm going to touch it and then he feels something fuzzy on his hand and looks at it and his hand is on the ape. Then he starts to panics and thinks what have I done. But strangely nothing happens and starts to wonder about why the man told him not to touch it. And then the ape starts to stir. The man runs for it. After a minute of running he hears the cage burst open (slam in the table). He gets to the iron barred door and slams it shut (thump on something). After a few seconds of running he hears the iron barred door burst open (slam on the table) then he slams the glass door shut (thump on something) and after a while hears the glass door shatter open (slam on the table) he quickly gets to the stairs. Runs up them as fast as he could slams the trap door shut (thump on something) throws the hay bale on (thump on something) slams the barn door shut (thump on something) slams the barn door shut(thump on something) he starts running for the car and starts trying to get his key out of his pocket while he runs he get to the car fumbles his keys around to find the right one finally finds it and unlocks the door puts the keys in and turns it and nothing happens he turns the key again and nothing happens then he realizes that his car has broken down. He tries to calm down and realizes that he hadn’t heard the ape break out of the barn and must have had a very hard time getting up the small steep stairs. Then he hears these repeated thumps (thump on something (many times and get louder)and figures out that it’s the ape running then it stops all of a sudden… (thump on something as hard as you can)and then he heard this loud crash on the roof. then the ape punches through the roof and destroys the passenger seat and then rips off the roof. Picks the man up holds out his pointer finger and says (in a deep menacing voice) tag your it and runs off into the distance.

Roses are red, violets blue, um... that's all i got.

Knock Knock, Who's There? Not Ann Frank because she died in the Holocaust along with 6 million other innocent people.

what did the bear say to the fish? Nothing he eat it

Knock knock Who's There Sally Sally who? Sally who .got hit with a fridge and fell off a tree because I have no arms. Sorry, I do not know you.

How many light bulbs does it take to screw in a light bulb??? I don't know don't ask me when I'm asking you the question!!!

knock knock who's there? Jehovah's witness GOOD BYE!

Let's say you're inside a building and you are lost. You need to find directions to get out. But the building is so big almost like a maze or labyrinth. You start walking until you see 2 doors and each door is guarded by a man. Now in between the 2 doors is a message on the wall. It says: "Dear friend, I assume that you are lost and want to get out. There is hope! You have an option to choose one of these doors guarded by these men. You may ask one of these men which door leads to freedom. However, 1 guard ALWAYS tells a lie and 1 guard ALWAYS tells the truth. If you are to choose the wrong door, you will be locked in the building forever. So choose wisely and ask the right question. Good luck! Sincerely, the owner of the building." So you think to yourself and try to figure out what the hell did you get yourself into. This is a very tricking situation. You have one liar and one honest man. How can you tell which is lying and with is telling the truth? After minutes of confusion and thinking, you have finally decided to ask one guard a question. ----spoiler alert----- So you ask the guard one question. "What would the other guard say is the door to freedom?" The guard said "This door" You choose the opposite door and you are now free. The End [Explanation: You have 2 doors. Let's say door A is losing and door B is winning. If you ask the liar what would the other guard say, he we lie and say door A. So you pick the opposite door, which door B and you win. Now if you ask the truth teller what would the other guard say, he we tell the truth and say the same answer, door A. So you pick the opposite door and win]

Drunk, a tweeker and a pot head are walking together when they come upon a huge wall with a large, locked gate in the middle of it. The drunk shouts "lesh shmash it down!" then passes out. The tweeker says "Dude, we should totally take the lock apart and see if there's some kind of mechanism in there holding it together that we can use to build some sort of machine for taking... oh man I gotta crap so bad! Either of you guys gota smoke?" and the pot head says "We should sit here and wait." I didn't say it was a good story

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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