How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Yo mama's so fat, that we are all extremely concerned for her health.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What's worse than catching aids? - already having aids.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

A man walks into a bar and is promptly sent out because he is under the age of 21.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

A man gets a paternity test. It's better than beating his wife senseless due to his own insecurity.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

why do you kill people in call of duty you don't you kill computer made figures

thumb_up thumb_down -32

My wife's star sign was Cancer and its quite ironic how she died really... She was attacked by a giant crab.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Q How do you make the fire fighter sad? A Kill his dog

thumb_up thumb_down -32

why do elephants paint them selves green ..... to blend into snooker tables. have u ever seen an elephant on a snooker table .... thats just how good they are.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

A boy walks into a bar. He wakes up in a hospital 3 days later with a bruise on his head. He asks the doctor, "What happened?" The doctor replies, "The bartender smashed a glass on your forehead."

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why do you have to write a conclusion at the end of your paper? So people dont have to read the whole thing.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Q: Who was shot 50 years ago? A: Abraham Lincoln was shot 50 years ago! (=

thumb_up thumb_down -32

How do you make a Dead Baby Float..... ......With 3 scoops of ice cream and 1 cup of liquid stem cells.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

whats fun,atracks children and says wrape van on it my van i lied about it being fun

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why did little Katie fall off her bike? Because the postman killed the bee hive.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Q: Why Cant The T-Rex Clap? A: No, Its Not Because His arms are to short, Its because he's Dead You Idiot...

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What did a boy dying from cancer get for Christmas? The news that his cancer progressed and he would soon die. He underwent a surgery that got rid of the cancer and he was cured. He ran out of the hospital in excitement and got hit by a bus. He recovered slowly, but lived. By this time it was June and his birthday, he returned to school later that year. He got called fat and committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -32

The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!" Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient. "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease." Looking relieved the patient says, 'at least it shall be over quickly.'

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Q. What do you call a Widow's Husband? A. Dead...

thumb_up thumb_down -32

In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What the heck are you gonna do if you're on a picnic and have an ice cream and then the ants crawl on the ice cream, what are you gonna do? You're gonna eat the ants because it's made out of protein.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

How many Jews can you fit in a one-person car? --One in the drivers seat, 30 million in the ashtray

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Q: Why did the 10 year old squirt his dad with the water hose? A: What to year old WOULDN'T?

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops