Q: How do you wake up Lady Gaga? A: You murder her friends and family.

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why couldnt the baby walk through the door? because it had a javeline through its head.

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Justin Beiber has fame, his own bodyguards, he has performed many shows and has everyone's attention. What do you have? A penis.

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boy and girl are flipping a coin, coin lands on heads, boy: get down bitch

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I'm 23, just like most people my age.

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Q:What did Sandy say to Spongebob? A:Nothing, They were both crushed by the water pressure of being on the bottom of the ocean.

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Do you want to hear a joke? Well you can't because you are reading this

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Cyrus: Can you dig it?! Phil: I can feel it calling in the air tonite……..oh lord

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can you touch your toes? no

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My uncle Magnus and my Aunty Agnus had a baby and named it.............Death.

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A boy asks a wolf, "whats the time mr wolf?" The wolf does not answer. Wolves possess neither watches, nor the neurone in their brain required to talk.

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What did the ice cream man ask the little boy? Want some ice cream?

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What do you call an anti joke that's not funny? Non-existent.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why does the girl continue to cry repetently everyday? Because she found out she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

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How many women does it take to change a lightbulb. None, Thomas Edison was a man.

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When is it ok to drink urine? When you're Bear Grills

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Why did God create Ebola? Because he hates us all.

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A black guy and a Hispanic guy are in a car together. Who's driving? The black guy.

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Why do Jew's have long noses? To dig out of the ashes.

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Why did the boy chuck a fridge at the other boy? Because he broke his toy train.

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A loving father took his two children to the park for a picnic. while the children went into the lake for a swim he drowned them both

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Why did god create planet earth? He isn't real.

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A princess kisses a frog to aquire a prince.. then gets arrested for beastiality.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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