Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Jews are human beings. Pizza is a type of food.

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Ask me any question. Okay, what is your favorite color? I refuse to answer.

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How did the clown crash his car? A horrible tornado chrashed through the town.

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Faith, Family, Friends, those are three words.

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Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Wow you look beautiful in that picture..... Let me see your tits. Sorry, I thought I was still texting.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, I'm blind.

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knock knock who's there? Ah Maj. Ah Maj who? (say it outloud)

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What's the difference between a black guy and a white guy? One has a slightly darker skin complexion

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Before you sneeze Say PIK-Achoo

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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Words with two W's or N's in them are awkward and unnecessary.

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whats the best part about ebola? nothing ebola is a dangerous virus

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what do you call a redneck virgin? a seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Ok

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Four blonds are driving to Disneyworld. They got in a crash and died.

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So I have an idea that will solve both world population and hunger problems! I call it the Omni-Abortion law. The idea is that all babies must be aborted and then eaten. Progressive, right?

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What do you call a giraffe driving a car? A danger to society.

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Who enslaves small people and forces them to work in his factory all year round in ridiculous outfits. Santa

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Person 1: Why can't a T-Rex clap? Person 2: BECAUSE THEIR ARMS ARE TOO SMALL! Person 1: No, because they are extinct dumbass

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Roses are red Violets are blue You're parents are dead All your friends are too

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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