Two guys walk into a bar.The barmen says "sorry we are closed." So the two men reply "There isn't a closed sign on the door and the door was open so we assumed it was OK to come in and have a drink". The barman says "Sorry we are closed at the moment but come back in 20 minutes and I can serve you". So the men leave and come back for a drink in 25 minutes time.

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Whats worse than a baby crying on a plane. 9/11

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A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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How many feet are in a yard? It depends how many people are in the yard.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Want to hear a dirty joke? Jimmy fell in mud. Want to hear a clean joke? Jimmy took a bath with Bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a clown.

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Whats more dangerous then a man with a gun? two men with guns.

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What's black and really really smelly? Martin Luther King Jr.'s grave.

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Person1: wanna hear a joke? Person2: yeah Person1: ok

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What would George Washington say if he were alive today? WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY!

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Why did the feminist complain? that's what they do

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender suddenly runs out the door frantically yelling, "He's got a gun! He's got a gun!" Meanwhile, inside the bar, the patrons overpowered the gunman, tied him up and took his weapon and all the cash he had. They later used his money to buy more drinks at another bar.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Penis.

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Q: Why was the mexican mowing the lawn? A: Because the grass was too tall

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Whats the difference between Jesus and the Pope. Jesus died 2 thousand years ago

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What do you call a Muslim guy on a plane? A passenger.

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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Joke below was made by Daniel Textor, he's a d i c k.

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What's the difference between a black minister and a white priest? Nothing. We are all equal in the eyes of God.

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Joker: You wanna know how I got these scars Me: The Bat... Joker: The Batman!

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A man walks into a bar. He's an alcoholic, it's destroy his family and career.

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Have you ever heard of a goose?

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Why did the man murder his wife? Because she would'nt do the the dishes

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2 guys at a funeral. "did you know the girl?" asks one of the guys. "No" replies the other. "Me neither."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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