How many omish people did it take to screw in a lightbulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Uh, Liz, he is staring at the screen... He says you are right and knows, so he cant get mad, ill trust you both, but it better work, or this one is on me. Oh by the way, yeah he is eating, sorry its late here, and I am the only nurse here about now Ironically this place is full of doctors but they dont seem to give a crap about the man that pays their checks. Doctors said no, Nero said "you are fired" Doctor changes his opinion, glad to see he is taking charge around here, I am just worried about his sleep, he is beginning to halucinate and I doubt any stimulants will help. But fine, ill trust you, sorry, really shaking my boots here, I really do not want to, but this is not about me.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What happened to tommy for his birthday ? A new pear of shoes to put on. Tommy feet just got amputated. But it's okay... Tommy got a new comb. Tommy just got cancer. But it's okay tommy got a new pet dog... Tommy is abused by the dog I know what your thinking a dog can't abuse someone it was a cat

thumb_up thumb_down +9

An albino and a jew walk in to a bar. They both order the same drink and chat for a few minutes before the albino must get home to his wife. The jew leaves shortly after, tipping the bar tender a generous amount for his superb service.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's worse than a pile of dead babies A live one eating its way out!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: How do you make an onion cry? A: You can't, it's an onion.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Stolen property that you should return immediately because the consequences of shop-lifting can prevent you from getting a good job and might land you in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

There is a hawk and a squirrel sitting in a tree. a farmer walks by with a strange package so the hawk turns to the squirrel and says nothing because he is an animal and incapable of speech, he then eats the squirrel because he is a bird of prey.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

That was totally mean! I mean I was in no way going to say any of that to you! Especially not the last part, sorry that must have been part of the suggestion or something, I barely ever tell myself stuff like that, I mean stop it okay? I mean I totally read it and all but I was all like "I am notnot typing that" please stop it, its humiliating.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A man crossed the road. A chicken stood in a doorway smoking a cigarette wondering why whenever he crosses the street his motives are always questioned yet men and other animals are allowed to go about their day normally. END CHICKEN DISCRIMINATION NOW!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline. Banana soup, Gorilla poop

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says, "You know, you have a steering wheel down your pants?" The pirate says, "I know, I was just raped by a group of men who thought it would be funny to humiliate me as much as possible. The bartender then called 911 seeing that a horrible crime had just been committed.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a zebra with no stripes? A zebra with no stripes

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the Johhny say to the black man when he saw him buying a watermelon? Nothing, Johnny is mute.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

So a black guy goes to college and doesn't steal anything or rape anyone. He has a 4.0 GPA and is one of the smartest students at Harvard University.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a white man sitting between two black men on a bus? A group of three people having a friendly conversation about the upcoming football season.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How was a blonde woman able to get into Harvard? She was smart and had a very good SAT score.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs going down a mountain? A: As good as dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

WHat is funnier than a baby swimming. - A baby drowing.!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

I helped build the town school. But when people see me, no one says "Hey, there's the guy that built the town school." I helped put out the flames, when the city was on fire. But when people see me they don't say "Hey, there's the hero that saved the city." But I have sex with one goat.... And people judge me justifiably asd having sex with goats is really disgusting and sticks in peoples minds.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Roses are red, my name is Dave, this poem makes no sense, microwave

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Knock, knock. Who's there? "Dwane!" I don't know any Dwane. Perhaps you have the wrong address. "Oh. Sorry to have bothered you!"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the Jewish man say to the banana? Nothing, because he has common sense

thumb_up thumb_down +9

i just cant stand up to cripple jokes

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops