Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes." Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "Yes, I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater." Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?" Jim says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?" "No." "Then you're gay!"

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"Almost as accidental as your spelling I'm afraid." -...

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Once upon of time, there was an ugly duckling. It was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

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How do you kill Chuck Norris? Shoot him in the face.

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Q: One little blond girl went walking on her own. A: 17 didn't come back.

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Why can't black people get sunburned? Natural selection allowed ancient Africans to develop a darker skin shade that would counter strong UV rays.

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roses are red violets are blue the sugar bowls empty so is your head

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Why did Lisa fall of the swing? Cause she had no arms... A: Knock Knock B: Whos there? A: Definitely not Lisa....

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Go fuck yourself.

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How do you make a blonde fall off of a cliff? You push her off of the cliff.

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Alzheimer's Alzheimer's who? Knock Knock...

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Tommy was excited to get a tattoo of a falafel on his wiener. He got skin cancer.

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What is yellow, has wheels and lies on its back? A school bus after a horrible traffic accident.

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Why did the boy not answer his mums call? because he was dead

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What's worse than The Holocaust? Nothing, The Holocaust was a dark and scary time.

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why did the tortoise cross the road? it does not matter, it got hit by a vehicle and died on impact.

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What's worse than missing your flight? 9/11

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what can jump higher than a tree? anything that can jump because everyone knows that trees cannot jump.

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how do you make a little boy cry? Kill his parents in front of him .

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9/11

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An English man, a German man and a Canadian man stood on the edge of a cliff. The English and German both jump off. What happens then? The Canadian says "they were serious?!" and runs away to fake his death and live the rest of his life as Frank Brown.

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Why did Elsa go into hiding. She died

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Knock Knock? Who's there? Orange! -door opens- You fucking come over here selling oranges one more time Julio and I will have you deported.

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Why do black people have nightmares? Because we killed the only one with a dream.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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