Where do you find a pile of dead lawyers? In my basement.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Jamie Stegman was dead. LOL

thumb_up thumb_down -12

When the poop hits the fan and you walk in with your pants around your ankles, it's a bad sign!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

roses are red violets are blue i have AIDS i'm about to die

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Your mother is so morbidly obese that she greatly exceeds the necessary recommended serving sizes of each meal.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

what is the differnce between my truck and chuck norris? i eat my own poop.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q-how did the blind man cross the road? A-with a guide dog

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Unless this event results in you being a vegetable.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A Russian man walks out of a bar looking very sober because he walked out of the bar sober.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Knock knock. Who's there? Your bipolar aunt so don't ask again.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the chicken cross the road? He actually planned to visit his family on the other side, but unfortunately he did not look both ways so was involved in a terrible car accident. His family now mourns their loss.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Sittin' on the couch with the morning post With a cold cup of coffee and some boring toast Thinkin' I'm-a change it up, yeah that's always fun What you reckon, Remz? A McDonald's run So we hit the couch cushions, need some dollars, friend Yo, I found a five. Man, that's Canadian. How 'bout a loonie? A twonie? A spoon or The Goonies? Oh, it's 10:25. Dude, you gotta move, G. Got the cash, got the car, got the pedal to the floor Speed limit's 25, but I'm doing 34 Going drive-thru style, man it's fast express You can call it trans fat, I call it happiness Roll up to the teller fella with a minute to spare Frenchy with a headset, "can I take your order?" A McGriddle with a little sweet and sour there, son A McMuffin, then be stuffin' muffins up in my trunk Then a tray or two of hotcakes, man I can't decide, uh... All's I know is hit them things with Aunt Jemimah How 'bout an egg fajita for some Texas flavor No drama but my momma wants a breakfast bagel Don't forget my #4, or there'll be hell to spend And I want them eggs poached like an elephant Frenchy back on the line, "is that all your order?" No it ain't, fool, I want a Coca-Cola! Get my cup of Coke and I'm-a start a riot Cuz on the cup lid, dude depressed the "diet" Check his shirt tag, and I catch the name Brian, I ain't tryin' to drink aspartame Sittin' on the couch, 'bout an hour later Pickin' at a pouch of some Now n' Laters Hardly starving, man, but I find a hunch Start the car up fast because it's time for lunch It just takes two bucks and I get what I need Two beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese "Supersize Me" said he's had enough of it But how is it bad for my heart if I'm in love with it? If you never had McDonald's, heck, well dude you should It's a party, like a Hardee's, except the food is good Just don't get a large #2, I plead with you friend Cuz it'll be a large #2 when you see it again Enter the store, first you holla, then you Pick a couple items off the dollar menu Four hot McNuggets, dessert with custard Mix the sweet n' sour with a squirt of mustard. A Big Mac attack, you can max the lettuce Paying ain't a pain, they take cash or credit Want a water? You can pay up there for spring Or get the free Grimace cup--how embarassing They say, "you're playing with a cardiac arrest, my boy" Only thing bad for my heart's when they forget my toy Now I'm-a have a milkshake, but before you rant It's made of shamrocks--now that's a plant People say it's bad, but I don't believe them McDonald's is peace--just ask Tom Friedman Momma catch me with a 'zine, and she's screaming "stop! Don't you worry, Mom, it's just my man Ray Kroc

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? There was no cross walk.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the cat scratch the person? Because it's mean.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Knock, Knock Who's there? Interrupting cow Interrupting c- Moo

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Where's my baby??

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What happens after you go to school? (you tell me, i'm only in 6th grade)

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did the Germans cook in their giant oven made for cooking jews? Jews.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Half a shit.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's the difference between a black man and a gorilla? One is a black man and the other is a gorilla.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What does Chuck Norris order at a coffee shop? Coffee.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How do you make a priest cry? ... You kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a butcher's shop. The priest and the minister each by a pound of pork while the rabbi doesn't because one of the 613 Commandments is that a Jew shall not eat any animal with hooves.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops