a man checks his brand new cellphone to see if he has a text message... He has cancer

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A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

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Good job, son.

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A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

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Why did the man get a DUI? Because he was driving under the influence.

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Why did Johnny close the door on Sally's face? Because Johnny is a dick.

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What do you call something green and fuzzy? Grass, I lied about the fuziness.

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A man walks off the top of a very tall building. Why did he fall off? Because he was blind

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Q: What do you call a black person who got hit by a truck? A: Dead

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Why did the chicken cross the dairy farm? Sex.

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How many kleptomaniacs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? What lightbulb?

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How do you get a woman to stop nagging? Smack her in the face.

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i found waldo.

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Why did Lou Gehrig die from? ALS

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Why did Susie fall off the swings? She had no arms. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Not Susie.

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Texas! You are doing it the wrong way! Learn from Hitler, gas is cheaper.

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Are tomatoes more scary than onions? No. They are not more scary than onions.

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Max Head fingered himself, HAH

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What's blue and fluffy? Blue fluff. What's green and fluffy? Green fluff. What's red and fluffy? A kitten that got hit by a truck.

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there once was a frog with no leggs

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Why did the Jew lock the chest? Because that's where he was hiding the body.

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Why was Emily in Alaska? Because she and some friends had been playing Simon Says at a birthday party, and the dad had said 'Simon Says go to Alaska'.

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Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.

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How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? None they're dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops