What did the man say to the man with no head? You have no head

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Why did Obama give a speech? Because he is the president and people look up to him

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A watermelon, a cherry, a mango, and a peanut are sitting at the table for dinner. They are all eating chicken wings and watching the superbowl between the Packers and the Patriots. What is wrong with the situation? Well two things are wrong, cherry's cannot communicate with peanuts because they speak different languages(obviously). And the patriots fucking suck.

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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Why did Timmy mow the lawn? He didn't particularly like the way it looked Why did Timmy fall down the well? He is retarded and thirsty How did Timmy die? He had stage three lung cancer Why cant Timmy drive a car? He has been dead for three years

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What's worse then the bomb that went off in boston? The second one right after.

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What did the indian boy say to his friend? He didn't he was too busy studying

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what did the food critic say when he was handed a snickers? I'm allergic to peanut butter

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A man loses his wife in a car accident He then fall into a deep depression then hangs himself.

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Knock knock. Who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing. She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there Not Sally

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Q:Why did Sara fall off the swing? A: Because she has no arms. ..... Knock knock! who's there? Not Sara, she has no arms and doesn't have the abitlity to knock.

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A: "How much rope does it take to hang a baby?" B: "I don't know, how much?" A: "The guy at Home Depot didn't know either."

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What do you call someone who is unwilfully forced into a life of emotional abuse and domestic violence? My daughter.

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What did one liar say to the other liar? I'm very honest.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, OH SHIT MY GARDENS ON FIRE

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Two men walk into a bar. The first man says to the bartender "I'd like some h2o". The second man says "I'd like some h2o to". The second man died.

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Knock Know! Come in!

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What's funny about cheese? Nothing.

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what did the farmer say when he lost his red tractor?

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Why couldn't the little girl see in the dark? She had no eyes.

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Why did the man throw his son out the window? His house was on fire

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Whats better than 32 dead babies stapled to 1 tree? - 1 dead baby stapled to 32 trees

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If life hands you melons you might be dyslexic

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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