Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends nose. But you can't rob a bank. That's a felony.

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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What's black and white and red all over. Nothing, that's a contradiction.

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Why did the airplane crash? The pilot had a stroke.

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Knock Knock Whos There? I'p I'p who? HAHAHAHA

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What was hitlers least favorite pokemon? Hitler didnt have a least favorite pokemon because hitler died long before the idea of pokemon was created.

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Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

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How does Justin Bieber remove a condom? he farts

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What is the french word for penis? I cannot say because I do not possess an adequate knowledge of the language.

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Your momma is so short, she needed my help to reach something off the top shelf.

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why did the man reverse time? because his girlfriend died,also this man was super

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What's black and shouldn't have the right to vote? Ants

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I don't always browse the internet. But when i do i prefer Anti Joke.con

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Whats the difference between a black bird and a white bird? Their colour

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What happened to the turtle that was on land Dead

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Black people don't exist. Their skin is rather of a brown tone.

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Q - What do you call a hamburger without pickles? A - You call it a hamburger just without the pickles.

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Well, its allright then, just tired that is all, leave it be, I mean what if your wife sees it? What will she think?

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A blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who hits the ground first? The one that jumped first

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Knock knock. I have a doorbell...

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You smell just like a black person. With your nose.

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Why did Jimmy eat the apple? Because he was obese and needed to eat healthy because his doctor suggested it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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