What is white and can't climb trees? Toothpaste.

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What does a grandmas vagina taste like? I don't know -- nor do I want to.

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why can't hellen keller eat a pizza? because she is dead.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Daises are yellow Azeleas are pinkish purple

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roses are red. vilets are blue. I'm getting hungry. make me some food...bitch.

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My mother's star sign was Cancer. Ironic how she died really. She was attacked by a giant crab.

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When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

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guess what? i dont know, what? i dont know either, i thought you knew.

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Q: what's yellow and can't use chopsticks. A: corn

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What do you call a snooker cue that only hits stripes? Anything you want, it can't hear you.

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Wanna hear a funny anti joke?...........................................................................................Funny anti joke

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How many men does it take to change a light bulb? One.

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Women. Can't live with them. Can't systemically murder them without compromising the reproductive integrity of the species.

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I've been reading these for the past hour and you guys are just out right terrible! -Sarah

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whats better than nailing a baby to a wall? Ripping it off the wall.

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? Kindly reject the offer and give it back to life.

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What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog

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hwhy did the monkey fall out of the tree? he got shot. why did the other monkey fall out of the tree? he was nailed to the first one.

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Why did the man drop one dozen long stem roses? Because he was hit by a taxi cab

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What do a turtle an a bird have in common? They both fly except the turtle

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Why was the Irish Cop happy to see the Mexican family killed in a accident? Because the Lopez family were a family known for generosity and selflessness. It came as no surprise to anyone who knew Steven Lopez and his beloved family that they were all organ donors and not only that but Shelly Lopez, Steven's oldest daughter had blood type O negative (the universal donor). Officer McO'Brianiganly's wife is dying in the hospital in need of a kidney transplant, doctors have given her just weeks to live. Now, thanks to unfortunate events for la familia Lopez., Officer McO'Brianiganly and his wife can live a long happy life together, just as they always imagined.

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Why did the black man cross the road? Because he lived an worked on opposite sides of the road, and so consequently needed to cross the road to work, and provide an income for his family, so they could have fresh food, clean water, and have money to pay the bills such as the mortgage so they didnt become poor and homeless, which would inevitably lead to illness and an early death for them all.

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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -Fish

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There was 2 friends named Shutup and Trouble. They were camping and Trouble got lost in the woods. Shutup called the police. Shutup: Hello, is this 9-1-1 my friend is missing. Police: What is your name sir? Shutup: Shut up Police: What? Shutup: Shut up Police: What did you say? Shutup: I said Shut Up Police: Hey are you looking for TROUBLE? Shutup: Yes! Police: Guess what? We found him, he's safe in the station. We will have a officer come by a drop him off. Have a good day Mr. Shutup Shutup: Thank you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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