Contrary to the popular saying, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," if you get cancer there's nothing an apple can do...

You know you have no friends when you steal someone's ALIAS concept and disrespect what is perhaps the most intellectually satisfying form of humour. [L]

What do you do when a sing is stuck inside your head? Put a gun to your head, and shoot the song to death. It will work. Trust me. Youll never hear the song again. Or anything again.

who do you call those who give this joke a thumbs down? people

Why Americans are so bad at League of Legends? Because they can't defend their towers.

How do you make a sandwich out of clay? Shape it like a sandwich

Want to hear a joke? No.

Justin Beiber

I like my coffee like my women, without a penis

So theres a man, a horse, and a piglet in a helicopter. Upon noticing this, the pilot jumps out of the plane and the animals go crashing to their doom.

This is Heading 1

A man walks into a house, and the next day was taken to the hospital for a minor concussion and a possible vision deficiency.

A man walks into a bar He goes to drink away the fact that alcoholism is tearing his family apart and that he lost custody of his three-year-old son that same day

Q:why did the man jump of the house A:he did not I threw a frige at him

why did the man stay home on a monday? He was dead.

What happened to the child drowning in a pool? He was saved by the well-trained lifeguard.

What's sad about 2 black men driving off a cliff? They were my friends.....

If your Jewish, then don't go to Germany.

trump and hillary are both stranded on an island, who survives? america

The GOV and the WHO?

justin bieber over spongebob *snicker*

How many Russians can you fit in a Mini Cooper? It depends on how big they are.

What do you call a Koala bear that does not have a chin? A Koala bear.

teacher: who's going to pass english? students: us teacher: not you, i lied about the passing