What would George Washington say if he were alive today? WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY!

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What's worse than Christmas alone? Pedophiles.

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I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one . Though , I do have cancer .

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Why did the student have a staring contest with his teacher? Well, the teacher was actually unaware of the competition.

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what did the boy say when his friend was having a panic attack? "don't panic!" rather earnestly in the hope that his friend's breathing returned to normal as panic attacks can be very uncomfortable and place too great a strain upon the cardio and respiratory functions.

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Why did the boy do his homework? For fun.

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What's big, old, and brown? A tree.

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Roses are red. I f***** a dude. you're a failed abortion. I never loved you.

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What do you call Americans Watching Canadians? Hockey

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Why doesn't Michael Jackson play with my brother anymore? Because he's dead.

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What do you call a boy that was once a boy, but no longer is a boy? A Man

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What do black people and apples have in common? - They both look good hanging from trees.

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What do you call a 2 storied house ? A dolphin! :D

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Why did the black man get some Kool-Aid? Because he was thirsty, and thought Kool-Aid would be able to quench his thirst.

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What happened to the hungry child? He got out of Africa

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your dads so fat, he makes your mom look skinny.

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WNBA

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor?"

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TWO PADDIES PASS A PUB

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What do you call a growing family of micro-organisms? Cancer

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Did you know that if you took all the elephants on earth and lined them up in space, that all the elephants would die???

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What would Chuck Norris do if you insulted him? Nothing. He probably doesn't have time for such foolishness.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: BABABABABA BABABA RARARA LALALA ETC YOU GOT THE DRILL Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY!Ungrateful kids. Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Sociopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.Heck if you look at episode 34 you can see a tall handsome dude choking the life of a little boy in the background, and then letting him go just before he passes out and chokes him again? FUN FOR HOURS!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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