What do you call a purple apple? Bruised.

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I was typing a new book today (literature wild west, and I realized I had been writing the same shit over and over again for eight hours and was dead tired when It went so..) Welcome to the wild west, guns! Hayballs! MONSTER TRUCKS! And then I kinda thought to myself... Is it just me or am I trying a bit too hard? So guys? What do you think, am I trying a bit too hard here? Funny story, I am tired and drank lots of coffee, so I am holding back in order to not try so hard... Not trying hard enough to hold back? I am asking you! WHY? BECAUSE YOUR ANSWER DOES NOT MATTER! ARE WE GAME?

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How do you make a lumberjack cry? Kill his family

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There was three women stuck on an island, a blonde, a brunette and a ranga. They are saved days later.

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Q: What's worse than ten babies stapled to one tree? A: One baby stapled to ten trees.

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What shoes keep dogs quiet? Hush puppies.

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What smells like old people and is white? Talcum Powder.

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whats small and sexually confused? YOu

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What do you call two Japanese men digging through rubble? Worried family members of missing relatives due to the recent devastating tragedy in the island nation of Japan.

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I was watching this movie..... its over now.

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A man gets home from work with red on his collar. His wife asks what it is. The man replies "I had sex with a young woman, your to old and you disqust me"

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What did Helen Keller name her pet dog? dfhiwueghweigw

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Not your cheese.

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So, there's a man and a bar. He gets a hacksaw.

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What did Jesus say to the jews? Fuck you.

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What is black, white, and red all over? A penguin that someone shot with red paintballs.

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What happened to the convict on death row? He died

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how does cody get laid? he doesnt.

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why are there so many homeless asians with squinty eyes, they cant find their way back home

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Why couldn't she get up? Because she had no legs.

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Shut up, I already got that before you said it, typed it, whatever I do not give a fuck, I want the last word because, reasons of millions. I love you Nero come visit me sometime, wait ill come visit you, yes yes, but now shut up, I want the last word, because I made myself your bitch! You know its not what I mean the other way but then around again, I think, you are my I made myself your bitch, no wait, keep reading, you are, my bitch master..., pretty please let me have the last word? Never fucking mind! Have the last word, I surrender, I totally surrender I want my nose back XD.

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Variants: :) I will always assist you in whatever you want. :( I want to kill you all by myself! Sense? Non? Fuck? Mind? Fission Mailed? Impossible Mission.

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A horse walked into a bar. The bartender asked: "Why the long face?" The horse said: "My wife just died."

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Red my dear, we are no exceptions.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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