To the 'am i pregnant now?'-section: Yesterday I spilled mustard on my brand new pants. That was just before I went out to some clubs. That night, after I had enjoyed myself with friends and alcohol, while I was walking home I was raped several times by big, black and hung men. It hurt a lot and my anus is still bleeding. My question is: What is the best way to get rid of the mustard stain?

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What did Newton say to Einstein? Nothing, Newton was dead before Einstein's birth.

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roses are red violets are green id love to flick owen cliffords mams bean

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Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes." Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "Yes, I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater." Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?" Jim says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?" "No." "Then you're gay!"

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"When there's something srange, in your neighborhood... who you gonna call..?" The cops

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What's worse than a bag of dead babies? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Jews.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This is an antijoke It doesn't have to rhyme.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the sidewalk he was on does not.

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how many babies does it take to paint a wall? it depends on how hard you throw them

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Connor is homosexuaI

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What do you call a puppy with all it's legs missing? Franklin, the quadraplegic puppy.

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What's worse than The Holocaust? Nothing, The Holocaust was a dark and scary time.

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What is white but you can't see it? A bottle of milk around the corner.

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Why is a giraffe's neck so long? Because its head is so far from its body.

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what do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question ................

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What's white and can't climb a tree? A Refrigerator

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What's sad about black people that drink grape soda and eat fried chicken? The stereotypes are true.

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Q: What did the boy with cancer get for Christmas? A: He died on Christmas Day, before his parents could tell him they had maxed out their credit cards to take him to Disney World. His father has since relapsed into alcoholism. He knows his wife is cheating on him with another man, but understands that she needs comfort that he cannot give her.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he has no sense of living and no muscles to move.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? A Banana. The middle aged man opened the door, prepared to distribute candy to the trick or treaters.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Penguin. Penguin who? The penguin who apparently lives next door and somehow developed the ability to successfully interact with other species through gesture and retoric.

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what do you call 100 muslims on a plane? Passengers

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What happens if you don't stop, drop, and roll? Astigmatism.

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What did the 12 year old boy get for Christmas? Herpes

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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