If you woke up in the morning feeling like P Diddy, get tested. Immediately.

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A man with no legs walks into a bar. Just kidding...

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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If there's somethin' strange in your neighborhood Who ya gonna call 911

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A dog says to a horse "Hey, why the long face?" the horse just looks at him.

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What's Funny About A Black Man Being Shot? Nothing, That Man Was My Friend.

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Why did Sally fall off her swing? -she had no arms knock knock whos there not Sally

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Why didn't the scientist discover a cure for apathy? He simply lost interest in it.

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room, he then relieves a nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with more information. Your wife died during the delivery.

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A man walks into a bar and sees that the pianist is just twelve inches tall. He asks the bartender, ''How come you have a 12-inch pianist?'' The bartender replies, ''We have a genie in the back room. He'll answer all your wishes, but be careful, because he has a little trouble hearing.'' The man walks into the back room and asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie then gives him a million ducks. The man comes out and tells the bartender that the genie misheard his wish. The bartender says, ''Come on, now! Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?!''

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A priest walks into a drug den, most people would say this is pretty contradictory to his implied beliefs.

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What's Michael J Fox's favorite toy? While, a magic 8-ball might first appear to be a good guess. Let's be honest, those things really lose their luster after the first couple times. More likely it's something like a sports car or big screen television.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "why the long face" The bartender then sees the horse's broken leg and proceeds to buy him a free drink.

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There are two cowboys in the kitchen. One says to the other, "I feel at 'home on the range.'" To which the other replies, "Is that because of your extensive culinary background?" The first cowboy breaks down in tears because he realizes he's not pursuing what he truly loves.

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what you say to the kid that just hit puberty? your a young man

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Why did the man leave anti-joke.com? Because he realized that it was time for dinner and the ham was burning.

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knock knock. who's there? Kony. Kony who? Kony says:" Uganda be abducted"

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What do you say to a jew with blood on his leg? Are you okay?

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A woman gets into the front seat of a car and starts driving.

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"Have you seen the food African kids eat?" "No.." "NEITHER HAVE THEY!!"

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If a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound? It depends on how sound is defined

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How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Ten. One to actually screw it in, and nine to stand around and say, "I can do it better."

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once, my brother took my lard and gave it to the less fortunet

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What's harder to pick up, a football or an anvil? It doesn't matter when you lost your fingers in 'nam.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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