Q: John gets attacked with a chainsaw, how many stitches does he get? A: None, Hes dead jim

thumb_up thumb_down +10

once you go Persian, there is no other alternative

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "I just found out my wife has cervical cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call it when a cigarette is brown instead of white? A cigarette that is or has been damp so that the nicotine was able to bleed into the paper and dye it.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A Jew, a Muslim, and a Christian walk into a bar... They then sit down and discuss the various political factors driving a wedge between unity, harmony and understanding between their religions. They resolve that despite the differences in religious belief, they truly can coexist, and decide to pursue peace among one another and the rest of society.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen do? Enough to compromise his health and career

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the doctor say to the morbidly obese man? "You should get on a diet. It's a surprise you're even alive for so long with such a bad heart" The next day the man dies while eating celery.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Today is jessica's birthday and she is turnig 6 She walks in the living room to tell her dad its her birthday. Jessica"Dad, Dad guess how old i am today!" Dad "How old?" Jessica"6 dad im am 6". she walks into the kitchen to tell her Grandad Jessica" papa papa guess how old i am today" Grandad"Well for me to know this you would have to take of your panties" as he tells her she did as she was told. her grandad fingers her and smells her panties. He tells her "You are 6 today" Jessica"How did you know" Grandad"I listen as you told your dad in the dinning room".

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Your mom's so fat, she's is bigger than the average person.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many dead babies can you fit in a tire? It depends on the size of the tire.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call a pool full of black people? a pool full of black people.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SKINNY PERSON AND A JESSE? Answer: THE SKINNY PERSON IS VERY LEAN AND THE FAT PERSON IS VERY JELL-OUS

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the muffin not eat the other muffin. Because muffins do not have a digestive system.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the chiken cross the road? It didn't, J-walking is against the law.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what hurts more than getting shot in the arm Getting shot in both arms!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How do you make Lady Gaga sad? You kill her family.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why don't elephants smoke? Because they would be afraid of the fire, and they are much more adversely affected by recreational drugs than humans are.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

When the boy cried wolf who heard him? Not Helen Keller

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Get a ladder and help him down

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: why did the chicken cross the road A: you are adopted

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Jim: You wanna hear a funny joke? Tim: Sure Jim: Well, if you want a funny joke, this isn't the place to be.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops