-What's long, hard and full of semen? -Since this is a play on words both an erect penis and a naval submarine could apply here

thumb_up thumb_down -35

HOLY COW!

thumb_up thumb_down -35

what do u say to a girl after you have sex with her? i like cheese

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Friends are a lot like trees. If you hit them multiple times with an axe, they will fall down.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Yesterday, my friend said I should facebook him. So I slammed a book into his face.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Knock Knock. Who's there? (Knocker runs for his life).

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Did you hear about the guy who had his head chopped off? He's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god."

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Useful Information: *2+2=5 *4+4=9 *6+6=13 Q: Given this information, how many fingers am I holding up? A: It was a trick question. Batman didn't open the door.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What do you call a someone who steals from a black guy? A thief.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

write I if you think we should all yell A when dylan says orange.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Q: If two lesbians are in a relationship, who makes the sandwiches? A: They both do.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

one of my best friends is blind and hasn't been able to see anything hhis entire life but he can hear a hummingbird from 50 yards away i mean, talk about worthless..

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Roses are red Heres something new Violets are violet not fucking blue

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because it felt like it, now mind your own business!

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Obama ran for re-election in 2012. He lost because he is a horrible president. the liberal left blame his defeat on racists and propose harsh Hate-Crime punishments. America falls into disrepair.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Whats more worse than a dead baby? You shouldn't be thinking about dead babies or stuff worse than them, it is sad.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Why can't women play poker? Because they're freaking stupid!

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Q: What did the prostitute ask the officer? A: Where were you stationed? I have a lot of respect for our boys in the Middle East.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

What's big and messy? A big mess

thumb_up thumb_down -39

What do you call 1000 black men walking down a street? The million man march

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, And so is she.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Yo mamas so fat, when she jumps in a pool she displaces a disproportionate volume of water.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops