What do you do if your batteries die and you have none left? Go to your nearest battery selling retail store and buy some more.

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what did John do to make the cold weather a little less irritating? well, being a homeless man, John did..... nothing.

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A brachiosaurus walks into a cafe "Excuse me I'm an herbivore, can I have a full English breakfast, but with veggie sausages instead of normal sausages, and mushrooms instead of bacon?" Shop keeper: "No you can't. Your too big. You've destroyed my kitchen, and my livelihood. I have nothing left. You've accidently reduced my business to rubble by walking through the door"

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Obama

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I have to tell yo people a story and you have to answer it. Q/S(Story):There once was a boy by the name of aids. He had aids because he had aids. He dad had aids, his mom had aids his whole family had aids. How did he die? A: He got hit by a bus you heartlest basterd.

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whats yellow after cani...nathan

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who are we kidding, when have you ever seen a chicken crossing a road?

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Knock Knock Whos there? Jason Oh, ok come in.

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Nickelback.

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How do you get four gay guys to sit on one barstool? It's quite difficult, it would be easier to just get 3 more barstools.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to your house... knock knock who's there the chicken

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Q:Why are babies and spaghetti alike? A:They both stick to the wall when cooked.

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Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

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Why is it stupid to call your son Bethany? It is commonly a girl's name.

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Q. Where do all funny jokes come from? A. The people who made them up

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Dr. I need a new butt, mine has a crack in it.

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What do you get when you cross a RPG with a cell phone? A microwave

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Two girls are in a car together. The one in the drivers seat is texting while driving. The girl in the passengers seat notices this and tells her the she should put it away in case of a risk of a collision. She apologizes and puts it away and the two of them drive to the store unharmed and continued their normal day.

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It's not just a boulder. It's a rock! A rooooocckk!

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, I'm blind.

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A man walks into a bar he orders a drink

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How does a Chinese person wear a contact lens? On a 45 degree angle

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Daughter: Dad I have some news for you Dad: What is it? Daughter: I am pregnant Dad: ... I am so happy I am going to have a grandson, my 27 year old daughter just married and now pregnant, this is a great day!

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"I had angry birds before it was cool." -Alfred Hitchcock

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops